Yesterday, while I was rearranging my books, I found a big farewell card from my dear frens back in Auckland. I opened it and read every message written inside. I was touched and surprised by how much I miss them already.

That's life. Life must go on. I'm moving, yea I'm moving babe! Hahaha! Bullshit to old love! I just wanna be happy, n rich, n healthy n rich again, with never ending flows of money. Coz right now, I still havent got my allowance. Aargh!! How frustrating can that be? Really2 frustrating! Staying in KL, 5 mins away from Mid Valley, with SALES everywhere (not literally everywhere, duh~) complimented with empty pockets, how perfect is that?! *sigh*
"What the heck was my dad thinking?" was my latest status on FB.

My dad was supposed to visit me tonight and passed me some stuff from home. But, tonight, he wasnt alone. He brought along that "bitch" and those son and daughters of that bitch. He even asked me to meet em and shake their hands. What the Fcuk! Daym!
Abah, oh Abah! Of course-lah I put on a damn fake face. Haktuih!
Thank you Allah for the guts, courage and patience that you lent to me just now.

I finally said it to him. And now, we're officially done. It was painful. Undeniably hurtful but, we managed to settle things in the most matured way we could both think of.

Thanks for the moments. You definitely made me stronger and more patience. And I am sorry for everything I'd done that hurts your feelings.

Maybe, we could work things out once we're both ready, once you learn to appreciate me better, and most importantly, once you learn to truthfully love me with all your heart.
3-days-orientation session for Cohort 4 YEAR 4 & Pismp Year 1. Hello! Year 4, okay! As if we're kiddos. I can still understand those speeches about rules and academic. But, the childish games and treating us like some noobs and freshies really annoyed me.

Who needs Orientation,

when they are lame and boring,
when they are too draggy,
when the activities were designed for audience way younger than your age,
when the Orientation is full of "lipan" and "botol" ^_^
when you're hungry and the facis're taking your lunch time way too long!
when you're already the super senior and being treated as if you're the super junior.

Thank goodness it has come to its end... urgh!
I am culture shock! Almost 2 years abroad might seem like a short while. But, believe me, it is enough to make you flatter with the new environment and culture that you could actually undergone culture shock being in your own country.

I am finally back in Ipba. Now, I'm staying in Block 4 with other 2 frenz which are still no where to be seen around campus. I got here by bus from JB. The thing that I worried d most was being in Pudu and taking a cab from there. What if the system changed? What if I cant get a cab from the previous taxi stand nymore? My stuff was so heavy, how to cross the street? Especially with KL's traffic....

Then, true enough, there are a few changes in Pudu. Like the improvisation of Puduraya, and it's easier to get cab now that more honest taxi drivers using meter around Pudu, n the increase of taxi fee. Ipba has a new hostel gate, I tell you! hahaha... I was thinking of asking the taxi driver to drop me in front of Block 4, only to be disappointed by d pak cik guard. So, I had to carry all my heavy stuff from Block 6 for registration to Block 4.

Entered my room, and tadaa! Well, nothing shock me this time. It's Ipba. I am already prepared for the worst. The room was not that bad but, mind you, wasn't ok at all too. Super duper dusty, and here comes the worst part; both lights and the fan in d room cannot be switched on. Imagine that! I reached my room around 5 something. Started cleaning quarter to 6 and now, I m sitting on my desk in d dark. At least, it is not hot in here thanks to the outside wind from my opened window.

Tomorrow is my last day of holiday. I have to report to college on Wednesday. I m still in holidays fever!!! Dont wanna start study yet. Tolonglaah...
Living in boarding school again. Just that now, no more school hours, prep, and co-co xtvts for me. I'm currently staying with my mum and siblings in Sek Tun Fatimah.

I despise registration day. So many people, so many cars, hectic, etc. Plus, some families are just so annoying.

Today is registration day in STF. Menyampah I! I'm staying in Block E; the worst hostel block it is. Very small parking space at the side of the block. So of course, there are so many cars parked there. They simply parked nywer. To start with, I had to fetch my bro from work. But, my car was being surrounded by other cars with no driver. So, how am I suppose to know which car belongs to whom. I hentam aje lah you. Reverse here and there. Struggling to break free. Lol! Then, there was this tree trunk behind my car. I was trying to avoid that trunk. Then, "kaboom!" Shit! Errrr... what was that? I put my gear into P and got down from the car. Check the back of my car. Then I saw some scratches with black paint on my car's bumper. Then, I thought, Aww! This is not good. I looked back and saw this Black Proton Wira. Errr... Did I just bumped onto this car? Aiyaa! Dielah. I looked around for the owner of that car but nobody seemed to show any concern about that car. So, cabut lah beb! I was pretty shocked tho! But, the car was just fine with no scratch or damage.

Siot kan aku.. haha. I know. But, it was an accident. Plus, no harm or damage was involved.

Im goin back to Ipba by bus tomorrow. Umm... I hate the crowd in Pudu. Gal! Pening! Im excited plus worried about my final year in Ipba. What would it be like? Hope everything's gonna be fine.
I'm bleeding tears. Bleeding from a scar within.

It hurts. Yes, it hurts.
The pain is unspeakable. Even more painful, you don't see my scar, my pain, my tears.
You stabbed me with an invisible dagger, that not even you could see with your bare eyes.

My heart is dying. It's so painful that it begged for dear life. I am trying to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. This story needs to end. And I am sorry that our story almost comes to an end.

I wish that I could gather my guts so that I could tell you this:

"Maybe later, when we both are truly ready.
Maybe later, when you could give me your life and heart.
Maybe later, when you learn to appreciate me.
And Maybe later, with God's will, we will be together again."
I want to write something here but, honestly bebz, I have no idea what to write.

I wanna continue writing songs. Aargh! Not a single sentence... sepatah haram pun tak keluar. When I finally tuned into a good melody, I could not find a suitable lyrics for it pulak and vice versa.

I wonder what 2010 will bring... I hope there would be less crisis, less conflicts, less pains and struggle but more happiness, success, health and wealth. But, are those possible? No pain no gain.

Anyhow, my new year resolution is to lose plenty of weight! Yes, I want to lose as much pounds as possible. We'll see.. we'll see. Oooh yeah... and maybe I can include one more resolution. That is, to ditch my ungrateful boyfriend.