Fluffy, my fat cat wasn't feeling well last few days. She vomitted few times and she didn't take her meals as often as she usually does. I think it was the thick dirt and dust from the constructions that took place around my house. Like, seriously. I just washed my car and I left it parked outside the house for like an hour and the dust that covered my car was already 1cm thick! They are building houses in front of mine, and next to my house, there is a highway construction. Huh! Imagine that!

So, poor Fluffy.. Having such thick fur makes her a living duster. Haha! I guess that's the reason why she was sick.

So, when we went back to the hostel, I finally bath her. Walauweh! She was super fat! She was so cute but noisy throughout the bath time. She just sat at one corner while I bathed her. Well of course she culd not stop meowing.. Her tummy looks and feels like jello when I touched it. But, she didn't let me dry her with towel. And she was so afraid of th sound of the hair drier that she ran and tumbled over everything. In the end, I had to let her dry her hair herself. She only let me use the towel to dry her after she had tried drying her wet, thick fur for almost an hour.

After the bathin session, she spent her time sleeping like 20 hours a day.
Aku kebosanan duduk kat rumah.
Tiba2 rasa macam nak mandikan kucing gemukku yang kontot dan berbulu tebal serupa kambing biri2 tu.
Tapi, macam xsanggup nak kene cakar dengan dia yang garang.
hair drier pun takda kat rumah ni.





P/s- Kucing ni bukan bunting ye. Dia memang gumuk macam pregnant.
Wuaa!!! Goodbye long hair... I think I've never have above-shoulder lenght hair for about 12 years now.

This is it...

From this..



















To this...




















Wuaaaa! Menyesal aku potong pendek! Aku mintak Victoria Beckham Bob Cut. Tapi, Amoi tu tak reti rupenya. Urg! Sbar jeler.. Terasa macam budak2 pula rambut maam ni.Terasa mkinbuat macam doralin aku rasa muka aku. Macam tempurung kelapapun ada. Tai, syok gak da ama tak raa rambut pendek ni. Tak yah susah2 nk syampu, nak sikat, nak keingkan rambut lama2.
Still waiting for our allowance yang tertunggak around RM300 ++

Were told that we would get our posting around mid December. And just being informed that news might come out around February. *eyes rolling*

Need to confirm my graduation in Auckland by March 2011.

And how am I supposed to do that if I am still not posted to school? How am I going to discuss this matter with my Principle by then?
Crossing my fingers and praying hard that all being planned turns out well.
Dah survey dah...
Fuhhh! Tiba-tiba bila dah abes buat a few options and backup plans, macam kene sentap jatuh dari katil pulak.
Bila total up and compare all the prices for all the options, rasa tak macam nak terjojol la pula kan biji mata gua ni.
Pergh! Biar betul! Jangan main-main...
Aku ni masih lagi bermimpi ni. Kaki dah pacak kat Malaysia, tapi kedinginan Auckland macam sangat real.

Aku bukan nak travel from NZ but from Malaysia. Which means, there wud a difference in the currency.
The figure was like.. "Woooowww!" Heh!
Sekarang nak travel pusing NZ dah tak macam dulu-dulu time belajar and kerje part time kat sana.
Currency was still in NZD now, is in MYR.
Wake up, babe!
Be real, wud you?!

Tiba-tiba je rasa macam tak realistik pulak angan-angan nak attend graduation kat Auckland.
But, I want to attend my graduation coz it might be my 1 and only graduation ever.
Please, please, please, Allah.. please grant this one wish of mine... (and many more, hopefully -_-")

p/s-this ain't just about me goin there alone. It involves my entire famil of 6. Gosh! Imagine that!
Fening lah fening....
Aku sangat2 lah berharap dapat balik Auckland or graduation next Autumn.

Ya Allah, tolonglah...

Sekarang, aku tengah survey prices for flight tickets and stuff.
Ou My God! Boleh tak?! Ada lagi ke manusia yang tak reti-reti nak pilih lorong yang betul kat plaza tol?

Okay, like I cant really remember when exactly Malaysia started its "Smart tag" and "Touch n Go" at our highway tols. But, what is for sure, it has been implemented like ages ago. So many improvements have been done to the system up till now.

Apa yang peliknya,ada lagi ke manusia yang tak tahu apa tu TnG? Touch n Go?
Ada pulak tu, drive laju menggila macam lah dia bawak tank boleh lenyek semua kereta depan dia, macamlah bawak kapal terbang boleh terbang atas kereta2 lain depan dia. Dah tahu nak masuk plaza tol, dah tak reti2 nak slow down, follow d speed limit, dude!
Dah laju2 tu, yang dia fikir dia je nak cepat, mata dah tak reti nak bukak luas2 tengok d correct lane nak terjah. Dalam otak fikir, "ok, which lane is d fastest, which lane has d shortest line of cars?" Dah lupa dah skil membaca agaknya. Sampai tak nampak signs TnG and Smart tag yang terang lagi bersuluh.

Kalau nak kata awal2 dulu masa baru di perkenalkan tu, understandable lah. But now, kalau tak reti2 tu payah lah kan.

Another possible reason for such incidents is that some TnG card holders forgot to reload their cards. Thus, once they reached the tol booth, they got stuck there. Hmm.. susah gak mcm ni. Ada yang tau kad tak berisi tapi, saja nak mencuba nasib, ada yang xbawak back up cash, ada yang terlepas booth "Tambah Nilai" so, try n error je.

There was this one incident, mamat ni main suka-suki kepala lutut dia je potong Q kereta depan aku. Muka da bajet abesla wa cakap sama lu! Skali sampai depan, punyalah lama kami tunggu, kereta mamat ni tak blah2. Bengang betul! Ingat dia je ke nak cepat. Rationale org buat TnG sebab nak cepat. Tapi, mamat kurang ajar ni, yang ingat masa dia je berharga, terpinga2 keluar dari kereta, lambai2 tangan kat orang PLUS tunjuk kat machine TnG tu. Lepas tu dia pergi TOUCH machine tu guna TANGAN dia. Dia punyalah try berkali2. Aku memang rasa nak hempuk je kepala hotak dia dengan tong TnG tu. Menyusahkan orang!

Tadi, highway Utara-Selatan from Yong Peng to JB giler jam. Tak tahu lah kenapa. stress betul. Dah berjalan jauh, penat pula, plus, sepanjang hari panas yang melampau, masuk highway dari jalan dalam, kononnya berharap dapat drive laju and lagi smooth dr drive kat dalam, rupanya hampa. Stress, aku stress. Dengan kereta2 menggila potong Q cni sana, 2 lanes became 3. I can feel that everyone out there was as stress as me. Dengan Ibu yang bermacam ragam kat sebelah. Sampai je Tol Skudai, ade 3 lorong TnG. Semua pun baris nye lebih kurang sama je. Malangnya, lane aku jugak nak buat hal. TnG 1 dan 3 laju je gerak. Lane aku macam ada bongkah ais kat depan palang. Tak gerak langsung. Bengang aku bengang. Ibu dah bising suruh hon kuat2. Aku ni jenis tak gemar hon meng-hon ni. So, tak pelah, sedap kan hati sendiri, bagi lah chance kat orang depan. Tnggu punya tunggu tak gerak2.Aku ape lagi, berapi!Aku tekan hon sekuat hati aku, diikuti orang belakang n kereta2 lain kat depan tu. Aku terus mencilok ke kiri, lane 1. Sempatlah memaki hamun, sumpah seranah segala. Tengok2, kereta Singapore! Damn! Menyusahkan orang! Geramnyaaaaaa! Aku dahlah tengah kejar waktu Maghrib... Gembira ria setan2 keliling aku tengok aku yg tak solat lagi dilanda amarah.

Maybe it would not be fair for me to say that  some peope are just ignorant about the existence of TnG and Smart Tag. Because there might be people who seldom use highways to travel or maybe they dont travel much. But, even if that so, can't they read the signs on every tol booth? There are booths for cash, TnG, Smart Tag, etc. If they find the other signs are greek to them, why cant they just stick to the ordinary-cash lanes?

Or maybe, PLUS might have to improvise their sign boards. Maybe they shud be more specific with the sign boards. Like, instead of writing "Touch n Go", they might need to write "Touch n Go CARD Holders".
So, orang2 yang tak tahu tu, mungkin kene guna akal berfikir lebih sikit yang: 1)Touch n Go, tak sure ape tu. Myb jgn masuk; 2) Touch n Go CARD? Oooo, mungkin kene touch using that specific card, bukan touch using bare hands, palms or fingers; 3) CARD Holders? Ooo.. untuk orang yang ade kad tu je kot. Bukannya beli kad on the spot.


Okay, aku tengah emo kerana jam ada penat erjlan jauh.
Salah Satu Perbezaan Malaysia dan New Zealand yang boleh diambil iktibar dan digunapakai di tempat kita untuk furthur improvement bersama:

-Tourists Information Centre/Counter/Booth

Aku sebagai warga Malaysia yang tak arif tentang semua negeri dan pelusuk daerah tanah air ku tercinta ni, rasa macam terkapai2 di negeri orang. Itu aku yang berkongsi bahasa ibunda dengan warga Kuantan ni. Bayangkan kalau anda adalah tourists yang tak tahu langsung bahasa Malaysia.... mcm mana lah agaknya.

Bila dah tak tahu arah, tak tahu mana nak tuju sebab tak tahu apa tarikan sesuatu tempat tu, siapa kita nak tanya ye? Kalau dah tanya orang sekitar tapi, masih tak dapat jawapan yang tepat atau memberangsangkan, macam mana? Itupun, dah kira nasib baik kalau boleh berkomunikasi dengan masyarakat setempat. Macam mana pula dengan pelancong asing?

Hmm... kalau tak jumpa Information Centre atau tak jumpa maklumat dicari dari Internet, pergilah ke travel agency mana2. Book lah package ape2 or activities apa2. Tapi, sedar tak, saya ni bukan lah orang berada. Bukan semua pelancong atau orang asing tu kaya raya. Ada yang sangat sengkek dan travel semata2 untuk explore tempat baru, hobi, mencari ketenangan atau untuk kepuasan diri sendiri. Kalau pergi cari travel agents, nak kene pakai extra few bucks.

Lagipun, kalau tanya sayalah, saya pasti akan tanya, which travel agents is the best or better? Sebab mereka, macam business people lain juga, itu adalah mata pencarian mereka. Haruslah mereka akan cari jalan untuk dapatkan duit dari customers. Kalau saya ni tourist, dah pening2 sesat ke, tak de hala tuju ke, ada ke patut nak suruh saya fikir, memerah otak, menyakitkan kepala nak pilih travel agency mana nak dituju. Saya akan terfikir, takde ke tempat yang saya rasa secure, selamat, dan welfare saya terjaga berjalan2 di negara orang? Tempat yang saya tahu berada di bawah kerajaan sesebuah negara tersebut? Di bawah Kementerian Pelancongan negara tu mungkin?

Mungkin sebenarnya Malaysia ni memang ada banyak Information Centre cuma saya je yang tak tahu, tapi, saya terfikir, kalau lah saya ni pelancong asing, macam mana saya boleh tak tahu kewujudan Information Centre tu? Mungkin ke tempat tu tidak kelihatan? Lokasi kurang sesuai? Atau publicity, atau mungkin sign boards yang kurang jelas?

Masa saya buat road tour pusing NZ dulu, banyak kali jugak sesat, rasa macam dah sesat, tak tahu dah samapai mana, apa tarikan di sesuatu tempat yang saya tiba tu... Tapi, setiap kali terpandang logo i-Site yang besar terpampang, saya akan berasa lega dan bersyukur. Saya rasa lebih selamat dan yakin sebab saya tahu, saya boleh tanya dan mintak apa saja bantuan dari orang2 di i-Site tu. Saya tahu saya boleh percaya mereka sebab mereka bekerja di bawah Jabatan Pelancongan mereka. Saya tahu, mereka ada semua kemudahan komunikasi dan pamphlets dan maklumat tentang accommodations, transportations, etc dari yang plaing murah dan cikai ke yang bertaraf 5 bintang. Websites i-Sites pun sangat lah membantu sebab semua yang saya mention tadi ade dalam websites mereka. Search je i-Sites ikut daerah yang dicari, mesti dapat pe yang dicari (yang related to tourism lah kan).

Tak semua tourists tu kaya. Ada yang nak cari tpt tinggal murah sekadar untuk berteduh di malam hari. Kalau di Malaysia, susah nak jumpa maklumat tentang accommodation murah di internet. Sebab mereka tak di ada publisiti meluas. kalau ada pun, maklumat tak lengkap.

Selepas beberapa kali terlepas simpang di Pahang sebab ada banyak sangat Pantai dan Resorts, barulah saya terpandang Pahang Tourism House yang sangat cantik. Saya mati2 ingat rumah tu chalet. Padahal dah berkali-kali lalu tepi rumah tu. Kenapa? Sign Board sangat kecik, dan tempat tu tutup.

p/s-Niat di hati bukanlah mahu merendah2 atau memburuk kan negara sendiri. Tidak sama sekali. Cuma, dari experience ni, saya terlintas, benda2 yang tak rugi kalau kite adapt dari negara orang di negara  sendiri. Demi untuk kebaikan kite bersama. Sekadar berkongsi pengalaman yang ditimba yang mungkin akan membawa kebaikan jika dikongsi dengan semua. Tak salah rasanya melihat dunia dari luar dan dalam rumah kaca. Kita berkongsi sesama kita.
Dua pencapaian yang paling dibanggakan tahun ni: Explore dan jalan2 di Ipoh, Perak dan Kuantan, Pahang.

Aku bukanlah tak pernah sampai langsung 2 negeri ni. Tapi, aku pergi Perak dulu pun masa interview UTP and pergi Pahang only when aku pergi Genting or Cameron (which was once in a blue moon).

This year, aku akhirnya dapat jalan2 di 2 bandar besar kedua2 negeri tu. Happy nyee!

Aku suka pengalaman and explore tempat baru. It's refreshing and it gives me new perspectives on things.


Malam ni, malam kedua aku di Kuantan. Esok nak balik dah.

Tadi, pergi jalan2, main air, main layang-layang di Teluk Chempedak dekat2 Bandar Kuantan ni. Memang cantik. Tak rugi langsung pergi situ. Malah rasa sangat rugi sebab tak dapat duduk menikmati kecantikan tempat tu lama2.

Lama juge kat situ. Sampai matahari tegak atas kepala barulah beredar. Went to Teluk Mak Nek, Terengganu. KOnonnya Ibu nak ajak makan sotong besar, fresh. Meredah heavy rain masa on the way.
Sampai2 je, they told us they didnt have squids today. Deym! Sedey giler.. But then, the satar was so good. The first satar that I ate before was like giler tak sedap that gave me a bad impression on satar. But, the one i tasted today was super delicious. I loike! And the fish were fresh and fat like me! Heh!

Okay, abes pasal makan. Next destination was Pantai Cherating, Pahang. Huhu.. Superb, okay! Memang terbaik! Aku rasa nak guling2 je kat pantai tu. Jalan2, main2 air, survey chalets for future holidays, then back to Kuantan.

Esok, kalau aku bercuti sorang, memang akan ku kejar sunrise. Tapi, memandangkan ade Ibu and Izzah, si budak kecik tu, maybe akan head back to Teluk Chempedak around 7.30. Ambil udara pagi, main layang-layang, main air, cari jejaka kacak untuk cuci mataku... hehe. Noon, hantar Mar balik UIA before balik Johor.
My room is equivalent to a mini library.
Books here and there.
Out of 4 walls, I have books in front of 3. And the fourth is where my bed and closet lie.
I could say about 80% of the books are or were mine. I collected them since I was a kid coz I just love books. Either they are left untouched on the shelves or they are being passed down to my sis and bro. Anyway, those that were being passed down were still left there on the shelves.
Once a while, I do feel like throwing them away coz they are taking a lot of space in my room. But, I do love books and I don’t think I would ever be happy to throw them or give them away.
It’s about time to leave my nest.

Am I ready?
I highly doubt that.
Too comfortable living under my parents’ wings.
Now its time for me to hit the real world.
It’s cruel out there, they said.
I’m worried of so many things.
I can foresee myself missing the feeling of security.
As for now, my biggest worry is as to where am I going to be posted.
Honestly, I am not sure where exactly I want.
Therefore, I let Him decides what’s best for me.
Semalam Ibu kata, Ibu doakan Atie dapat jodoh lepas setahun kerja.
Second Class Lower.




Deym!
Unpacking my boxes of stuff, of books, from the hostel and from my student’s life, I brought out a whole bunch of teaching materials that I used to use for my teaching in Taman Yarl.

I miss my kids. Yup, that’s the bottom line.
I miss New Zealand. Everyday, the feeling grows stronger. Make the desires to go back to Auckland even stronger. Oh, Allah, please let me graduates in Uni of Auckland with my family.
From my bed, I could see a big map of New Zealand and a Haka scroll. I hate to remember of those good times there. Coz they are just making me sad and down.

Please give me a rich, good looking, kind hearted, loyal and faithful, supportive, understanding, gentleman, well-educated, and a soleh husband that could bring me to New Zealand for holidays. Ameen.

p/s-Giler melampau tak nak impian aku? Haruslah tak.
The M-word. Guess what that is. M_ _ _ _ _ _ _
Everyone seems to have found their life companion except me (and several others-of course not everyone, as in everyone..duh~)
One by one of my friends either got engaged or got married within these past few months. Not to mention those who already have babies and those who are soon to be parents.
As for me, I guess I now find the reasons why God still hasn't give me my other half...


  • Seriously, I myself agree that I'm far from ready. 
  • Hey, dude! I'm like 22 this year, man! Still young to think of family matters, husband, kids, housework, etc.
  • Marriage requires serious and full commitment which I am so very afraid of. Like seriously, yo!
  • I am still unemployed. Undies pun mak bapak gue tanggung. Plus, the list of my wish list seems to be a never ending one. If I were to get married soon, I am gonna have to save my future salary for my wedding. Unless, of course i got super duper lucky by marrying a super rich man that could grant all my wishes in the wish list.
  • All the guys I met, not one has met at least one of my top, utmost criteria of my future husband.
  • And few other reasons...
Despite of my aforementioned realisation of my current faith, I still complain about the inexistent of my Mr. Right Guy. Maybe, it's true what Erikson stated in his theory of Psychosocial Development that the age range between 18-35 is the stage when a person faces the stage of Intimacy vs. Isolation. And as an individual who falls under this age category, I'm bound to behave as such. And one thing that annoys me to the ultimate at this stage is when people keep on asking that very same question... You know, the one about marriage and companionship. Even more irritating when some people just could not stop matchmaking me randomly. Some people were serious about the matchmake, but others were just popping out the idea out of randomness which portrayed the lack of sensitivity in their part. Not that I am being ungrateful. Just maybe,they should be more serious about it coz this aint some game. 

P/s- Congrats to my dear friends, comrades, acquaintances, etc who just got married recently (I dont dare to mention names here in case I miss any which there is a high possibility that I will- too many of you lah)

First enrolled in this twinning course- July 05 in IPG KBA which formerly known as IPBA.
Struggling 1 and a half year of foundation in IPBA with so many ups and downs.
Then, slowly I crawled up the stairs to my first year of bachelor of education in IPBA. It wasn't easy. Never was.
Putting all the hardships in friendships, studies, not-so-conducive learning environment, and other aspects into the picture, I somehow could not believe the fact that I managed to enter 1st year.
Then, it's the time to fly off to NZ. Gosh! It was a big deal to everyone involved. Sure is. All the procedures in applying for visa, passport, medical documentations, etc was very taxing and troublesome.
The next thing I knew, I had passed all the procedures and there I was stepping my foot right outside of Auckland Airport. I remembered the chill breeze, the clear, blue sky, the ever blowing wind, and the calmness of the city which I miss so much now.
Had my chances to try out so many new things, wild things abroad. Been travelling around NZ, been to Brunei, and Jakarta.
Dealt with different personalities, conducted events that I might never got anymore chance to organise in future.
Experiences I faced and lessons I learnt during my 1st year there compared to those during my 2nd year there were extremely unique and different. They were incomparable.
Again, it's time to leave Autearoa. I hate to say that I was leaving for good coz I always hope that 1 day I would be able to come back to that peaceful land again.
Then, there was my final B.Ed. year in IPG KBA with myriads of changes await for us. As if the differences in  the environment, system and people were not enough to challange us, Cohort 4.
Our patient was being tested every now and then, we had to bear with so many weird decisions by the authorities,etc.
But, it was not a big transition to me as I had been expecting the worst to come. I had been prepared by seniors who had been warning me of what to be expected when I go back to IPBA.
So, finally, I have finished my studies.
Spending my time at home, expecting news regarding my posting soon. Hopefully, I'll get to teach a school that will suit me best that provide ample opportunity for me to excel in my career.

~The End of This Chapter of My Journey~
banyaknye benda tak terupdate..
Sume kerana ketiadaan internet.
Kalau dulu masa kat oklen, internet whoooo...oo.oo..sh lembab, internet kat cni bukan setakat lembab malah, memeningkan pale otak aku lak sekarang ni.
Of course, I cannot put the blame merely on the broadband, but also my problematic laptop.
Currently, aku sedang bercuti di rumah. Dengan tak berapa senang hatinya aku guna broadband mak aku. In which, aku kene tahan dengar bebelan dia yang akan bising setiap beberapa minit, sebab tak bagi aku guna banyak sangat band-width.

Oleh itu, aktiviti internet aku agak terbatas. Kadang-kadang aku taramkan aje upload banyak2 gambar.
Tapi itupun kalau aku bernasib baik internet nya tak lembab macam ciput babi.
I kind of starting a new diet now. Not a strict one though. Really, knowing myself, I don’t think I am ready for a drastic change in my diet. I don’t wanna kill my spirit.
Let it be a slow and continuous change. Live and eat healthily.

It’s hard though. Staying at home where you have a mum who would cook and loves to see her kids eat em all.

It’s hard to resist the temptation of eating delicious unhealthy stuff when they are all right under your nose.

This is me I am talking about. I eat when I am sad, when I am angry, when I am happy, and even when I am bored. The last worries me the most. It’s so boring staying at home doing almost nothing at some points of the day. Not that I’m complaining of my lengthy holidays and not that there is exactly nothing to do. What I mean was, there is nothing extremely interesting to do at home other than, house chores, ever repeating movies on Astro, games on laptop, playing guitar. The boredom makes me thinks of food!

As I am writing this, I am damn hungry.
Don't really know what to do now.

Not really sure how I feel too.

Miss those feelings there...

Not that Im complaining.. it's just... just that.

You won't know.

Empty, dark, quiet little room.

That's what it's all about.
Okay, the practicum is finally over. I felt so relieved! No more burning the midnight oil, cracking my head like a crazy woman to write lengthy lesson plans, and waking up the next morning questioning my sanity to teach. I prepared something for my beloved students: a simple bookmark and a small cupcake for each of them. Nothing much, I know. Cant really afford to buy expensive stuff for all 72 students. Plus, I bought some presents for those who submitted 80% or more of my work.

The cupcakes were delivered to Ipba around 8.30pm on Wednesday. And I only have class with my 2Y on that day. So, I can only give them to my 1L on Friday. And because the school is damn sucks, all four of us have been warned by some teachers not to distribute our cupcakes to our students in class. Thus, not wanting to create any trouble on our last few days of school, I had to ask my 1L kids to stay back for a while after school. I felt guilty coz I left 2Y quite late on Friday and most of my 1L have left the school... without my cupcakes.

I dedicated 2 songs for my students: Tattoo and Kau Ilhamku. Khuang Leik showed me his "Moonwalk" moves that I would never forget. He is so cute. I mean though these kids are just so naughty but, they have some values that they strongly hold on to. Dorang tu nakal bukannya jahat. They are good kids. And my 2Y, they sang for me "Belaian Jiwa". Sooo sweet. I received lotsa farewell cards from my students. Well of course i shed some tears while reading their wishes for me. Soo touched by their thoughtful wishes. I wont mind teaching them for one whole year. its d school that i hate d most.

Initially,  I wanted to take pic of every one of em. But, there were so many things to do and so many things in my mind that I did not have enough time to do that. Really regret it. I wanted to remember every face, every smile that cheers my days in school. I wanted to remember the names and faces of my first students ever so that maybe in 10 years from now, I could reflect back my practicum years and remember my first students that have taught me a lot about life as an educator.

To my 1L and 2Y, if you ever read this (which I know some of you will do), I enjoy every moment we spent together. And do forgive me if I ve ever hurt your feelings as I membebel in front of your classes. I love you all!
Okay, this is a story being told by a trainee teacher. BEfore I started my practicum, I always being warned that being in school with senior teachers and me, being the trainee will entitle me for more challenging experience. They always said that the trainees will be bullied by the more senior teachers. Well, for the first few weeks in TY-short form for my school now, I thought that TY teachers were not like that. But, guess what? I was wrong!

Well, of course this does not imply to all teachers, only to few. I don't mind being given work, or to be askes to be in charge for something as long as it is given to me professionally. Im nobody's slave or servant. You want me to do something, say it nicely. Nice does not mean talk to me like Im the Queen or with super sweet voice. Nice here means, to say politely and not making me feel like Im obliged to do something that is not actually my job. (They use the word please or "tolong" but, they way they put it is as if, you can't say no to it.) For example, "Tolong2 lah sikit ye." And the conversation started with,
"Tomorrow, ade buat kerje ape2 tak?" The list of Pembahagian tugas was out even before the 2-weeks break, so, you out of so many people should have a good excess to it. If you want us or me to do extra work, just say it, "Okay, I know that you are in this X team, but, if you have nothing to do tomorrow, could you help me with team Y?" Oh, gosh! Ni dengan nada memerintah dia yg sgt annoying. I knew she had been giving hint to me ever since in the stuff room. But, what the heck, she was talking to another teacher sitting next to me. If you expect me to interrupt and volunteer, GTH! You want to talk to me, talk to me professionally not berkias2 dengan cikgu lain dengan harapan I would hear you.

Yes, you are very friendly and all. But, I just think that as you are in the barisan pentadbir, maybe you should work on your people skills, your interpersonal skills. So do the other ....... in the admin. Learn or read up about professionalism or leadership skills. Im sure it would help both you and the school.

~Thank You~
Back to school! Gosh! Why?! Malas giler ok after 2 weeks break tiba2 kene bgn awal. well, at home pun plg lewat bgn 8 something. As Im writing this post, Im eating the super delicious McShaker Fries yg dinanti2 dah bertahun2 lamanya (so, pls excuse my shortforms-im typing wtih my left hands only). I remembered wen I was in form 1 or standard 6, McD did come out with Fries Shake2 ni but it was a diff flavour than now if im not mistaken. So, wen it finally out again, i just could not resist the temptation. Nyum2!

Ok, that's not d point. D point is, yesterday, some of my students from 2Y gave me a prezzy-pink head scarf. Sooo sweet n pretty. They gave me as a token of appreciation for helping them wit their skit competition. Well, honestly, I dont expect anything in return. Really. But, that was so sweet of them. Thanks girls! Hope you win the competition.
Okay. 2 years abroad, my mum did not invite people for Raya Open House like what we usually did when I was at home. So, this year, I made my parents to have a simple and small gathering. So, I named it "Hari Raya Makan2" instead of an Open House. But, as usual, we would cook every dish and dessert. Therefore, the preparation is very tiring. Its good to meet family, neighbours and friends and mingle around with people whom you have not talked to for years.

These are some pics taken on the Hari raya Makan2...
Roti Jala & Puding Sejuk yang belum dipotong.

Izzat & Izzati before the guests arrived.

Nyum2... Lots of Kuih Raya.

Abah ni.. orang suh makan tipu2 dia makan betul2 lak! Urgh!

Ibu-Head Chef! Food dah nak abes... While waiting for kawan Abah around 9pm.

With friends.. 3orang datang dengan 3 kereta. Ish2.. Its ok understood. Orang bekerjakaaan.

So sad that we did not have time to take our family photo together because everyone is too busy.
2 years celebrating raya abroad made me forgot how it feels like having around family and the raya preparation at kampung. It felt like I ve been dreaming. Sometimes, I was confused as to whether I was here last year during raya.

This year raya, for the first time, I experience Hari Raya without Atuk Mok as she passed away in May last year. And this year, Atuk Ayah had stroke so he could not walk around the house. It's kinda weird preparing all the meals without hearing my Atok Mok's voice membebel while helping out in the kitchen. And Atuk Ayah, normally, he would be the one buying all the ingredients, and supervising all the work. But, this year, we could see the dissappointment in his face for he could only give instructions while sitting on his chair.

This raya is my last chance to collect duit raya. Gosh! Tua dah aku. Pantasnya masa berlalu. I felt like I was only 12 few years back and now I am 22. I start working next year which means bye-bye duit raya and be prepared to give angpau instead. I used to get between RM150-300 duit raya before this. But, this year, my duit raya does not even reach RM100.

This raya, I met cousins, nephews, nieces that Ive not seen for a long time. The last time I remembered seeing them, some were toddlers, some were very short but now, they were way taller than me, some look more mature than the last time we met. All these made me feel older. Aaaaaa! Noooo! Im still young. Im young. Young. Young. And Young.
There's a saying, "Friends come and go". Hmm.. this maybe true in many aspects. Im sure almost everyone out there have some very close friends during school years. I mean, during both primary and secondary schooling years. Me too. No exception. I went to 3 primary schools because my dad kept on being transfered to different branches. Then, I attended 2 different secondary schools for some reasons that are not related to this topic so, I am too lazy to explain here. The main point is that doesn't matter in which school I studied, I would always found those few special souls to be my good/close friends.

Those friends who were being promoted to be my good friends were those who not only listened to my problems but also, helped me solved those problems. We shared our laughters and tears, we argued, we screamed, yelled and there were also times when backstabbing happened. But, we soon, forgave each other. And that's why we were good friends.

Back then, we understood each other better than we are now because we spent so much time together. Some of us lived in the same street, in the same neighbourhood and walked to school together. We sat next to each other in class, or at least, we studied in the same classes for years. Most of our days were spent seeing each other and spending time together. Thus, we knew almost every single thing that happened in each other's life. When my dad married the f****** bitch, who now, become his second wife, terrible things happened to my family and those things were shared with my best buddies. Those days, they were very understanding of my conditions. Sometimes, we did not have to give reasons or excuses and could already read each other's minds. But, that was back then. Back then. When we were kiddos.

Now, things changed. Slow, silently, crawling through time, through years. Years that drew us apart from each other. I am not blaming any of us. It's nobody's fault. We were drawn apart because of the different paths that we chose after those school years. I chose to be a teacher (some people questioned this decision of mine: "cikgu je?" or, "why teacher?", "you can choose better professions", "buat penat study lama2, jadi cikgu je?"), others choose all those popular and high prospects professions. When I was free, they were crammed with assignments and projects. When they were hanging out together, I was abroad for 2 years. We're no longer walking on the same path. Our lifestyles, tastes in fashion, principles of life, life stories are no longer the same as years before.

We have grown up to be different people with the same old names. I am no longer the old Izzati that some of them knew back then. And so are they. Now, everyone has different stories to share, has tonnes of problmes untold, etc. We also have new close friends. As for me, I have some additional new friends in college. Because they are the ones who I could share my stories, probs, success,happiness, etc with. Because they are the nearest people to me. I see these people almost all the time since we are staying in the same hostel neighbourhood. Thus, they are more concerned of me and my well beings than those who were a bit further away from me. Yes, there's a malay saying, "Jauh di mata, dekat di hati" (Far from the eyes, but close to the heart). But, somehow or another, we have to admit that, being far away from friends might not lessen our love and care for them but, it may create a gap among us because people might change when living afar without realising it.

Well, I think I might have mentioned in my previous posts about my house being broke into by burglars and how we were traumatised by the several break-ins, and also about my outing with my fellow former school mates who were very close to me few days ago (indeed, few days before this outing, there was a break-in in my neighbour's house nextdoor in broad daylight!). Yes, this post definitely has relation to this one.

Living in my neighbourhood, one has to abide by some crucial rules that if one broke the rules, one might face deadly consequences. When I say deadly, I really meant it. People were murdered few metres away from my street, being robbed on the road nearby, kidnapped and held hostage in a house, 3 houses next to mine, which the kidnappers had M16, etc. Thus, it's important that we reach home before night fall or at least, before it reaches the crime hour (10-4am is the time that we call crime hour). It's not they were not told about incidences happened here. But, I guess it was just that they were not around me when things occured. I felt sad coz whenever I went out with them and I wanted to go back early by at least 8pm, they would persuade me or should I say kinda force me to stay longer (I use the word "force" because when someone keeps on persuading you to do something so that you would finally do it unwillingly, it is defined as forcing.) They made me give them hundreds of excuses. Sometimes those excuses were honest but, they just could not accept them.

How else should I tell them? Sometimes, these are the things that made me feel not to go out with them coz I knew how it would turn out. As for this particular outing, I faught with my bro before dashing out to meet my dear friendsss. I hate it when I quarreled with my family because of my friends. I love both but they just dont understand! That day, initially, I was a bit reluctant to hang out with them because I felt guilty for leaving my family to do the work and preparation when I, happily enjoying my outing with friends and spending money breaking fast outside (it turned out I had to spend about 20 bucks for my break fast that day when my mum had already cooked for us at home. Plus, we stucked in the traffic jam along PG hihgway and I actually took a shortcut which actually passed by my house-which of course made me feel even more guilty). However, for the sake of our friendship and after being persuaded and given a lee way that I could leave after breaking fast with them, I persuaded my mum to go. Thus, in the middle of baking my Kuih Sarang Semut that took forever to finish, I left my siblings to continue the work. So bad am I not?

They set the time to meet at around 5.30pm. I asked one of them whether she had booked the place or not but she said nope. I told her that it might be risky to burst into a restaurant without booking during fasting month. But, she said its alright. They were also notified that I would be meeting them there around 6pm because of my sarang semut. So, when I'd dressed up, I realised that my bro was using my car. My mum said that he went for a haircut but, at this time? When I dy told them Im going out at 6? When my bro got home, obviously I scolded him. I hate making people wait for me especially when I do not know whether they have been waiting for me for how long and with whom. So, I speed to PG and took every shortcut I knew to avoid the traffic jam down at the PG highway. AS soon s I reached PG, one of them called me and told me that there was a change in the plan. They wanted to meet at the petrol station. Gosh! GOd knew how I felt that time. I was so blur. PG had changed a lot. The last time I came to PG, there was no Petronas next to PG Shell and definitely no McD next to the Petronas. Basically, I was puzzled when they ordered me to go here and there. Which Shell? Skjp Shell, skjp Petronas, skjp McD. Wat the heck!

Wen I finally found them, I was told that we were going to break fast in Tesco. So, wen they asked me whether Im fine with tht, I said sure! Tesco was near my house. Easier and faster for me to go home. Then, they said Plentong Tesco. Waaaaat?!! Gielr ke ape? It was already 6 something. And PG highway would be packed with cars like in a sardine tin. Seriously dude. But, the thing was, there were not just cars there were huge trucks, trailers and all kinds of trucks on the road. PG is a big port so yeah. Imagine that! Plus, I was from Megah Ria just done escaping the traffic jam to PG and now, I was asked to go to Plentong. Imagine a straight line: Plentong <-------------my house <-------> PG (house -->PG -->house-->Plentong). See? So, imagine my feeling. I was so exhausted the whole week and they made me went through all that just for spending about 15 minutes of quality time with them and that was while eating. Honestly, I was quite dissappointed.

And, to top it all, we were actually dining in a BBQ Chicken restaurant. I believe we could find a better spot in PG or Masai. I would rather eat in a kedai makan tepi jalan or KFC with the kind of food served and for the price. Or even better, like what one of them said, "Macam ni, baik pergi JB terus dah on d way". True! I could even bring them to Damai Restaurant and eat Shark fin soup.

After eating there, I then realised that I had 5 missed calls from home. I was worried. My mum's car was in the workshop for service so I was thinking of so many things like wat if bad things happened and I did not hear their calls? Then, I called them and my sis told me that my mum asked me to buy needles for the sewing machine. It was already 10 passed 9. Wer can I buy those needles? I dont think I would be able to get home by 10. Unless I dashed out there and then.

When I told them my situation, I was hoping that as friends they would understand me. But, nope. One of them kept on persuading me to stay on longer to watch movie pulak which made me felt more guilty to both my family and friends. MOVIE pulak?! After we went out from the restaurant, they wanted to jalan2 around Tesco. Dah sah2 mmg dalam tu xde kedai jahit. So, around 9.45pm, I speed my car back to Masai and searched for kedai jahit nearby since the one and only kedai jahit that my family knew just closed. So unlucky! Right when I drove passed the shop, my mum called and yelled at me saying that I should be back NOW! PRONTO! "sudah2 ler tu bersuka ria macam dah tak ingat rumah" Obviously I yelled back at my mum. I felt like crying coz I was so damn pissed off and tired and stressed and tired and felt like driving the car and crashing into any vehicles that I saw on the road. And all these happened 2 days b4 raya.

When I got home, everyone showed me their disagreement to me. They were very quiet. They were not answering my questions properly. I felt like slapping every faceI saw. Seriously, I am a very bad tempered person, people. Then, I had a more controlled argument with my mum.
Of course these were all originated from my guilt to both parties. And yeah, in the end, my mum could not finish sewing her baju raya. not even one. So, whose fault was that? ME!!!! If I were home that nite, I would be able to help them make the kuih siput so that tey could finish making eating earlier and I could buy the sewing needles around 8pm and my mum would probably manage to finish sewing her baju rayas. Stupid Atie! This might be the last time I would ever go out for a nite outing with them. Even if it means the end of our relationship. Unless, they asked me out on the right time, to the right place, wihtout any reluctance feeling or guilt, then, I'll go. Go to hell with all those. Family is more important to me than friends. Full Stop!

I know that I cant and I shouldnt put all the blame on my friends because they just did not understand my situation for not being there with me most of the time like we used to be in schools. They were not hte ones living in a place like mine, in a family like mine, and they are not me! They didnt know how I felt. Same like how I do not understand and know them now. We all have changed thru time. I believe that there are so many secrets and things that I do not know about their current life and they too do not know much about things that happened in my life now. To share a part of this life would be like putting a piece of jigsaw puzzle on its board with 99% of the puzzle went missing. Things would never make sense with just apiece of that puzzle.

Thus, as I grow up, almost everything around me has changed. And, for me, to face these changes is very difficult.
Gosh! After 2 years beraya abroad, I just couldnt wait to celebrate Eid here. In kampung, with family. Just 2 differences tis year, compared to the years celebrated before I flew off to NZ: 1) Atuk Mok is no longer with us, 2) Atuk Ayah kene stroke in the mid of Ramadhan. So, tis year's raya might not be the same as wat I could recall from my memory of prev raya celebrations in msia.

Talking about the preparation. There is never less-work when it comes to raya celebration for me. Maybe there is for other people out there. But, in tis family of mine, being a girl, one can never escape from kitchen chores.

Starting on Sunday (the day when my mum and my siblings returned back to our home sweet home in PG), I'd started cleaning. This house had been left unattended for almost a month or so. My mum would only visit this house to check that everything's alright and to take some stuff. With the house development site right opposite my house and the highway construction next to my housing area (my house is 2nd to a corner lot which means the hihgway is just few metres away from my house), the dust in my house is very intolerable by my nose. Im allergic to dust. Id been sneezing like crazy. macam nk tertanggal mata n hidung.

Reached that evening before berbuka. Bought food for berbuka from the bazaar ramadhan. Nyummy food! Honestly, BAzaar Ramadhan here in Johor is waaaaaaaaaay better than any Bazaar Ramadhan in KL! Serious shit! Ok, while waiting for the berbuka time, I just could not wait any longer to vacuum and mop d floor. Huh, my room is the main priority for the time being.

After breaking fast, I did a bit of cleaning. The cleaning session continued the next day- Monday, my siblings and I wash and scrub the porch floor from morning till noon. Damn exhausted! Mind you, it was still fasting month.

Around 3pm, the four of us went to the nearnnby Tesco and bought stuff to bake our kuih raya. We made a few kuih raya. That nite, we made Biskut coklat badam. The next day (Tuesday), we started baikng Kuih Sarang semut in the morning and only finished in the evening. Making Kuih Sarang Semut was very taxing. I went out to break fast with my former school mates and only came back around 10pm. While I was outing, my family made kuih siput at home. When I got home, I continued baking my Kek Batik. The next day (Wednesday), we packed our stuff to bring back to our kampung in Felda Taib Andak, Kulai je pun... then, my mum asked me to bake 1 more Kek Batik to bring back to Kampung. So, my bro had to buy all the ingredients.

That afternoon, my dad called my mum and said that there was a possibility that eid would fall the next day. --> which means, we had to balik kampung asap to prepare everything. My mum was sewing her baju raya stopped and decided not to wear that baju for raya. she was so tired and stressed out with the sewing machine. So, we balik kampung around 3pm.

Our raya preparation did not end there. As we reached rumah Atuk, Atuk Ayah dah bising suruh buat kerje bcoz blm start buat ape2 pun. Atuk kene stroke so he could not walk. If not, he would be the one running here and there buying stuff from warung, jadi supervisor checking that everything is in good shapes. This year, kesian atuk, he ould only membebel, advised people, and observed from far.

We peeled lotssss of onions, garlics, potatoes (sampai aku pun da bau macam bawang urghh), chop here and there, and my family continued weaving the ketupats. According to them, our family is the only family who could weav ketupat. the rest, yeah, a few of the pak cik n mak cik can. But not all. So, this year's ketupat bisness dapat kat family ku (setiap tahun pun mcm tu except for this year, Abah balik mlm raya so, anak2 n ibu ku je yg mengerjakan ketupat yg cecah sampai 200 biji tu).

All the hard work continued till the next day. A day before Raya, we'd cooked Rendang, Ketupat, Lepat, Kuah Kacang and Sambal Goreng. Pergh mengancam Ok! Perut ku berkeroncong bagai nak giler. Dah lah penat nak mampos! Our mak2 prepared Kari Ayam and Lodeh early morning of 1st Syawal while all the husbands and anak2 were still sleeping. I could not get enough rest and good night sleeps at kampung coz all the boys were hanging around in front of thhe tv. In my kampung, it's our culture that, the boys would be sleeping in the front hall (no tv, just a prayer area for men and some couches), the ladies would be sleeping in the middle hall (the main hall with tv), and the rooms- first come first serve basis, those who came first and put their stuff in that room would get the privacy of the room. Normally, my parents would sleep in one if the rooms. So I, I had to find any available space to sleep like the couch, or toto yg dah nipis serupa macam tido tak bertoto itu. Huhu.
Okay, this post is very outdated. I was planning to write this as soon as I reached home but, I just could not find the right time to force myself to write.

I drove back to JB with my 2 adik2 and my cousin from KL on Saturday morning. Early morning after Subuh around 7am. The hihghway was clear, not many cars only at several areas like Nilai, and few areas in Johor. But, overall, I had a smooth driving that Saturday. Drove around 100-120km/hr and reached Kulai around 10.15am. Reached STF(since my mum's second house is in the STF hostel) almost 11. I was having headache ever since I was in Machap area. Thus, I slept almost the whole day after I reached STF.

I got to break fast with my family this one last week of Ramadhan. Yay! Ibu cooked like a lot of special dishes that day like Pari Bakar with Sambal Udang Kering.

Ibu had to stay in STF the next day to finish her work and had a meeting with the principle. So, we had to stay one more day in STF before going back to our real home in PG. Oooo yeah!
Yesterday, I received feedback about my teaching from my cooperating teacher. So below are the positive and negative comments I received from him:

Negative points:


He said that I sometimes lost my words in the middle of my instructions. And there were also times that I used the unprecise/incorrect words to describe or explain something. Okay, I admit these. Someitmes, I had so many things in mind that in the middle of giving instructions, I forgot what I wanted to say. I also admit that there were times when I just could not find the right words in this brain of mind which therefore leads to me choosing any words closest to the right ones.


Positive Points:


He said, when a teacher managed to blend in with the students and bring big influences to them, "the teacher's words are like God's words". And he said, he was impressed by how I managed to influence those kids in 1L. His words really made my day! I did noticed the changes in some of my 1L students but, according to him, "No. You're wrong! Not some! You have got most of them by now. I just do not know how you did it or what have you done to your students. But, from what I see, you don't have problems handling those kids."


Alhamdulillah. Maybe what I did was just praying. And Allah had granted my prayers. (cracking a super big smile in front of my laptop right now). These few days, I was imagining my days after I finish my practicum. I am sure going to miss my students a lot!

By the way, I only have one more observation by my supervisor which was scheduled to be this coming Monday. I might be observed by Sharon Bakar as well. Just might. I hope everything goes well.

Some people just don't know how to appreciate an honest advice. This is true. Once upon a time... they might tell you this, "Friend, if I ever did anything wrong,please let me know. I don't mind. I don't like people talk bad about me behind my back. If you want to cricise or advice me on anything, you are most welcome, friend." But, not everyone mean what they said. So, I am telling this so that you won't have to go through  the humiliation you may feel advising this kind of people.

I saw a few people looking at her. Every stare they gave ended with them staring at her shoes. She was walking with her body slightly bent forward. Maybe because the shoes were too high. Just maybe. For whatever reason it was, it doesn't look pleasant. So, as a friend, I stood next to her and whispered to her with an honest intention to advice her so that she could try to walk straight. Plus, it would make her look tall and elegant. But, guess what? I guess, she didn't need my advice after all. And my intention to saveher from shame or at least people's bad mouths was wrong. She straight away answered my advice with a : "Takpelaaa!" Hmm, fine!  Go ahead! After this, sampai mati pun aku tak kuasa nak tolong jaga maruah ko ke, naj jaga muka ko ke, selamatkn ko dari umpat keji orang ke... Lagi pun ko bukannya kisah. "Takpelaa" kan. Though I know that she might be one of those people who just could not care less about what people say about her. Well, of course she would disagree with me on this. WTF!
This morning, at the junction outside IPBA, the one after the hockey stadium, I hit a motorcycle. I honestly didnt see the bike. Not at all. All I saw were two cars heading to our direction but they were quite farfrom us. So, I slowly cross the main road. Luckily, I wasn't speeding at the junction. As my car was crossing the main road, Kak Mar said, "Ati, baik2 motor!" But, her voice wasnt raised that high which made me thought that the bike was still far away from us coz I didnt see any bike just now. (Plus, my friends have this habit of screaming whenever there are other vehicles nearby though, I know that we are still in a safe distance from those vehicles.) However, Kak Mard yelled again. And this time, her voice was raised to an alarming rate. Haha! So, it means: Danger, Yo! Tak faham bahasa?!! I abruptly stopped the car and the next thing I knew was, there was a bike right in front of my car.

This time, I saw the bike. And I knew that at that point, if I were to speed, we would still not going to make it. So, I stopped the car in the middle of the road. Yes, right in the middle, crossing the road. And the bike... he was okay. Thank God!When I stopped, the bike swerved slightly to his right which caused him to hit my bonet. I think he could actually avoid my car but, I think he was just as shock as me. My car reg num flew few meters away and there were some scratches at the bonet. I am not sure how did the scratches got there. Because his bike seemed okay, except that his left leg might hurt because of the hit. I just pray that he's okay.

So, yeah, that was about it. I still cant believe myself for being that careless. How can I not see the bike?! I mean, seriously, how?! But, to be honest, before I crossed the road this morning, while waiting to cross the road, I had this instinct saying that, "What if I cant see a car or bike coming because of the sign board in the middle of the road divider that always covers my sight? What if one day, I could not see a bike moving towards my car because the bike is within the blind spot of my car (Gen2 has bigger blind spots than any other cars of its type, it has front and back blind spots, the front one was caused by the extra wide windscreen's frame and the extra aerodynamic shape of the front of the car)? Then, the next thing I knew, "Bum!" there goes my instinct. But, looking at the bright side, the man that I hit was a very kind man. He accepted my apology and decided not to take any action on me. So, yup, he was a super nice guy. May God bless him and hope he has a nice day today despite of him being hit by me, of course. And, maybe that's the way Allah wanted to remind me to be more careful next time.

Despite of that morning incident, I really enjoyed today because today is Friday! It means, I can sleep super late (that's what I'm doing now), or dont have to sleep at all not until the sun rises, do movie marathon, etc. And tonight, I chose to clean my room. It was so messy, and untidy. Even I cant bear with it anymore. Actually, I had been wanting to clean my room since few weeks ago. But, I found that there are other important things to be done first. So, as I am writing this post, I am actually procrastinating from having my shower after the cleaning session. I presume, I would wake up super late, like noon, maybe, then, procrastinate again, then, God knows when I will start planning my lesson for next week. Gosh! I like entering my classes. But, I really hate the planning part. It was so taxing. And the worst part about next week is, I think Ng would want to finish my Phase 2 observations plus, Sharon might be entering my class as well! How interesting is that?! I really hope that Ms Ng would observe my 2y classes for the last 2 observations. Please do not enter my 1L anymore. I am so tired planning for that class. And the kids, are just so unpredictable. Oh dear Allah, please grant my wish.
As much as I would love to write about something other than education, I just can't. My life, now, revolves around school, school, and school. Talking about school, today, we have a meeting regarding the upcoming Hari Anugerah Ko-ko or whatever. Right now, I really wish that this stuff room would be more like the stuff room in Auckland's schools. They had sofas where we can sleep on anytime we're free, toaster, pantry, microwave, fridge with plenty of fresh milk. OMG!!!! I really cannot stand this sleepiness. Brrrrr! My eyes are half close now.

All I could think of now is food, drinksss, and holidaysss. I wanna go back for raya. Oh, dera God.. Please let our school some extra raya hols. 2 years not being able to celebrate Ramadhan n Eid with my family, I was expecting this year to be a good one. Not realising that My hol would only be till the 3rd day of eid. Wat the heck?! Like hell yeah. Im f-ing serious, yo! Ok, I know I am crapping here. It's only because I have nothing better to do in this stuff room and Im damn sleepy.

So, what do I wanna have for break fast? Where to break fast? I would love to attend another Dessert Nite like the one I had in Auckland. Nyum2! Oi, Ati! Behave! (Alia, 2010). Okay, now, I am so happy. Wanna know why? HAahahaha... Our PK1- Mrs. Keong just told me that the four of us, trainee teachers do not have to stay back after school for the stuff meeting. Walla! Oooolalaa!
I made an e-book for my 1L.
The title was: The Hungry Pocoyo.
You might be wondering why on earth doI have to write about food?
Well, it was because we were doing a health topic about healthy food and balanced diet.
Hahaha! Look who's talking... I don't practice what I preached.

So, was the lesson a success? Hmm... partially. Boleh tak partially?! Boleh je. It's my class maa.
It was a double period lesson. So, yeah, the students did pay attention, and interested about the e-book during the first period. But, mind you, being interested about the book does not necessarily means that they would read the story. Some of them just couldnt careless. We had a choral reading together during the first period. But, when we entered the second period, I just could not control them anymore. I am starting to loise my temper. They had loosen the screw for the past few weeks.
It's interesting how a simple topic and a simple activity could do wonders in your class.

Topic: A Lifelong Journey: Long, healthy life thru exercises.
Skill: Speaking
Proficiency: very low.

Let them name some sports, and instilled some moral values about healthy living.
They wrote their names on blank papers to be pasted in the bar chart on the board (which took them like ages to write their OWN names).

Each one of them had to stand in front of the class and tell his/her name and his/her favourite sports.

Surprisingly, they enjoyed the lesson. *sigh*

I still cannot understand how their minds work and what interest them. They seemed lost in their own world in most of my lessons. To get their attention and interest to learn is very challenging indeed. I almost give up by now. But, I do like those kids tho they could be very annoying sometimes.
Entering Phase 2: Practicum. Time to be more serious about practicum. Because phase 2 is an evaluation phase. I can't fail my practicum. At this point, bullshit to dreaming of getting Cemerlang for practicum. All I wanna do now is to teach and have fun with my kids at school. I want them to enjoy my lessons, to learn something from my class, to love my English class, to change their negative perceptions of English lessons, and to make them love English as much as I do. Though, I know it would also mean giving them false hope... cause I think they all realise that all the "learning English is fun" would come to an end once i finishes my practicum in that school and when they get back their former teacher.

So tis Saturday, my school has replacement class. *sigh* Luckily I will only be teaching 2Y double periods. But, the not-so-lucky part is that I might be observed by my cooperating teacher tis Sat. Damn! Hope he wont cancel it tis time. I m still struggling wit my 1L. I pray that I would not lose my patience with them.

Okay, till here. Goin to update my practicum portfolio (which I found a burden to me-not enough with the necesssary lesson plans, they add tis unnecessary portfolio which is a pain in the ass for us!), and prepare my lesson plans for tis Sat and next week.
4 weeks seemed like 4 months.
True enough. True, true, and so true.

As much as I hate Ipba, I cant believe I am looking forward for this 1 week de-briefing session. It's not like I hate the kids, or the school... I think what I was trying to avoid the most were the ever lasting lesson planning and materials production, the stressful observations, the trying-so-hard-to-be-friendly-and-satisfy-everyone sessions, and all those staybacks, meetings and extra school sessions. School means no life to me.

Talking about my observation: Last Friday, i was supposed to be observed one final time for my 1st phase by my cooperating teacher, but because of some incidents, he could not observe me when I had prepared my lesson till 3am! See, hoe depressing and frustrating was that?!

School = No Life!

Slept around 1-4am almost every night. Went to school around 6.50am everyday. Came back around 3pm or later everyday except on Fridays. Got home, too tired to do anything even to mark my students' test papers (I tried once, and I accidentally scribbled on their papers coz i was too sleepy -_-"). Prepared materials for the upcoming lessons which took ages to finish.

So, when can I enjoy my life? I tried to watch Inception 3times, now. And, to my dissappointment, all tickets sold out! Damn! No more hanging out for hours in malls, had movies marathon late at night, stay up to play computer games at night, play new songs on my guitar for hours, etc.

Not to mention about all the money spent for this practicum and my beloved students. T_T
Now, I can consider myself as nearly-broke! Honestly, man! With around 4 more months to go, and almost more than half of my allowance gone, how am i going to survive? And that's not including y car petrol.... Oh, god! I need a super rich and super loving husband right now. Dear students, please pray that for this teacher of yours. Huhu! Nescaya, I'll shower you all with tonnes of rewards. Hehehe!
At this point as I'm writing this post, I've already survived my 1st week in school. Waking up at 5.30am (even at 6am) is torturing. Dragging my feet on the car's pedals into the school is even worst. Counting the days to week 12 seemed like a never ending counting. How I wish I was in Ipba listening to boring lectures. Because then, I could still off-task as long as I wanted. When we received the news that all students in practicum were ordered to return back to Ipba next Wednesday 10-2pm for our beloved Director's retirement ceremony, I felt blessed. Oh, God! Only You know how I felt.

I got form 1(the last class) and form 2(the 1st one): 1L and 2Y. Both classes have around 30++ students.

1L
1L's general proficiency level was very low. In the previous tests, all of them except around 5 students have failed. Only 1 student got an A. So, imagine me giving simple English instructions, and the students were staring blankly at me. One period = 40minutes. Out of that 40minutes, I think, 15-20 minutes was used for behaviour management. During this 1st week, I have tried a few different methods in managing their behaviour and to learn about the best learning strategies for them. And yet, none of those suit this class. This morning, my mum called asking me about my 1st week in school. And of course, she shared all her wisdom in handling such classes to me. But, sharing info is not the same as applying it. How am I supposed to apply what she told me? Where should I begin?

A bunch of chinese boys were always talking and doing something else at the back of the class. The Indian boys always sit nicely on their seats but, once a while they would eventually crack a small fight which can be very destracting to the class. There were a few Malay boys in my class. Half of them were quite obedient and good in my class. But, the other half was very active in class, in the sense of, they just love to move around the class, walking around me while I was talking in front of the class, and disturbing others - and that will be referring to Ahmad and Afiq.

There are 2 academically and should I say emotionally/mentally problematic students (according to their former English teacher). When the first time I entered the class, I realised a very cute, handsome boy sitting in the front row. Jeremiah was his name. What a lovely name. He was very quite. But, one very special thing about him was that, the first time I asked him something in English, he answered me very politely but quietly, in PERFECT ENGLISH! Walla! The problem is he seemed lost in his world almost all of the time. During recess, I saw him sitting alone on a bench under a staircase, behind locked bars (grill tangga-watever paham2 la sendiri). That scenery really touched my heart. What's wrong with this boy? What really happened? Why is he always alone? That's when I decided to asked his former teacher more about him. According to the teacher, the boy's parents came to meet the teacher before and explained the boy's condition. He's always lost in his thoughts, his own world. He's also very afraid of teachers. Thus, I should speak nicely and softly to him. Another boy, I called him Ah Sen. Well, that's the easiest way to remember his name. It's very difficult for me to remember people's names. I think his name was Kok Sen. This is another difficult case I am facing. According to the teacher, he has learning disorder/difficulties. He only understands chinese, not malay, not English. So how? You want me to go and take Chinese class pulak? Gosh! He does his work very very very slowly. Nobody wants to be his friend and he seemed okay with it. Cause he seemed blur most of the time. He needs a private translator and maybe that annoys some of the boys. Doesn't matter what happen in the class, he would always look at me, look at everyone, everything blankly and with confusion.

2Y
I enjoyed teaching 2y and I hope they enjoyed my class as well. Their proficiency level is Intermediate - Upper Intermediate. Except for maybe one or two students who find it difficult to understand, what else to converse in English. And for this one boy (as for this one week, he was the only one that I could detect with learning difficulty in this class), being in a class full of students with good English made him very fragile, remote, and passive. I realised that he was embarrassed to ask questions, to participate, etc. In other words, he has a pride to maintain and therefore, revealing his weaknesses would lower his pride. I have to approach him very nicely, and make sure not to provoke or offend him in any way. But, how? I dont want any of my students to be left behind. This is hard.... T_T

Who say It's Easy to be A Teacher?
Who say teaching is the easiest profession? I really want to snap at those mouths. Being a teacher is not only about teaching. Well, of course "teacher" and "teaching" come from the same root word "teach". But, being a teacher also requires the teachers to handle with all the clerical jobs, extra curriculum, meetings, courses, school functions to be handled, colleagues, and the politics in school. Especially being a teacher in Malaysia. Our culture of seniority is very strong. As new teachers (me being a trainee teacher will be worst.. like duh~), I really feel uncomfortable initiating a conversation. Everybody has work in the stuff room. So, should I randomly go to people's desks to socialise? If not, we'll be called a snob. Like what happened last few days: there was a photography session for all the teachers. The teacher in charge in it asked us to join them. But, politely one of us decline his offer. It was because we were not even a teacher yet. We are trainee teachers. Not even NEW teachers. Plus, we were only arrived few days earlier. Takkanlah da nak bergambar for the school magazine. Besides, we would only be there for 3 months. So, we decided not to go. Unfortunately, all of the teachers and the PRINCIPLE was waiting for us. They even sent prefects to call us. But, as soon as we got there, they already took their picture. Afterwards, kene sound la ape lagi. Sitting in front of me in the stuff room is a very handsome PE teacher. He asked me, "Kenapa tak turun ambil gambar tadi? Tak sudi ke nak bergambar dengan kami?" Ouch! That hurts. Well, I explained to him why. Then, he said, "Eh, ambil je lah gambar. I dulu masa practicum pun I ambil je gambar dgn cikgu2 sekolah I." Easy said. If our cooperating teachers/the principle/the penolong kanans were the ones who instructed or should I say offered us down, then, maybe we would be slightly more comfortable to join them. This was not just the thing I hate about school, I really hate writing the super lengthy lesson plans. Really time consuming. Everyday, I slept at around 3am. Sometimes later than that. Then, we have to do Head Counts. Head Counts here means the analysis of the students' performance throughout the year. It's not counting the heads for attandance purposes, okay (well, that was what I thought before). *sigh*

Who say it's easy to be a teacher? Yes, it might be easy to be a teacher. Everyone can become a teacher. You teach one simple thing to anybody and you are already his/her teacher. But, to be a super good teacher, you need tonnes of inspiration to aspire your students, mountains of patience to cope with them, and 1001 ways to educate (not merely to teach) them.

And as for me, it's still a looooooooong journey for me before I could reach that stage. How I wish I could be just like my mother. How I wish she could impart all her knowledge and experiences to me. And my goal is to be a Guru Cemerlang just like her but, of course, in English not Physics. But, will I ever be there? When will I ever get to that point? It's week 1 and I am already exhausted, lost my mind, lost my temper, fell sick, spent a lot for teaching, and stressed out.
This breeze... it reminds me of New Zealand. How I wish I am in Nz now. I miss evryone there. I miss listening to Sheryll's screaming and lectures added with all her complimentary gestures and funny expressions. And her famous tagline, "Suck it up, folks!". I miss collecting craccum every week. I wonder how's this year's craccum. I mean honestly, nothing much being discussed in craccum and they are all boring crap. But, still, craccum is an evidence of my unique uni life abroad in comparison to some of Malaysian local students. I am proud to have that short but memorable exclusive experience.

Okay, cut the crap, cut the crap!

Yea, tomorrow is my first day of practicum. I am going to officially report myself to school. No idea which form(s) am I going to teach. No idea about my timetable yet. I am very blur and in the know of nothing, currently. I wanted to prepare some lesson plans but, as I said, I dont know which classes am I going to teach, and not to mention, I have no clue about the school's weekly/monthly planning or whatsoever. So how? I pray that the school will not ask me to teach during the first week. Oh god, please let me settle down and get to know the school and students first during my first week there. Btw, I am going to SMK Taman Yarl, near Old Klang Road. I've googled about the school but, to my disappointment, I couldnt find much about the school. *Sigh*
Gosh! Scary, scary! First day of school is always scary, creepy and nervouse.

My preparation???
  • Okay, I've always loved to collect materials, activities and exercises. So, for the past few days, I have been gathering, rearranging, and collecting some activities and organise them according to their difficulty levels and forms.
  • Ironed all my clothes for next week. -and I realised how I need more, and more baju kurung. Sangat boring okay, rotating the same baju week out week in.
  • Printing and compiling a few stuff for my Practicum Portfolio.
  • Went to the school to check out the route to that school.

Hope I wont forget anything tomorrow. Oh, fyi, since 2 days ago, I have been dreaming about teaching and being observed. That shows how nervous I am now.

This whole is just pre-practicum briefing (I personally think that some of the slots were simply allocated in our schedule to make us stay in college). I would say no matter what the lecturers were trying to brief us these few days- with their experiences lah, refreshing our memories to those teaching theories, etc, were just making me more nervous than I already am. And honestly, when the time comes, I guess we would simply perform according to situations. Bullshit to those theories and approaches. Well, of course they are not totally bullshit. They are important crap that built our believes and knowledge as a new teacher. Okay, enuf with all these academic crap. Basically, my point is, why can we have shorter briefing sessions? Why can't it be a 3-days pre-practicum briefing. Why it has to take our whole week? It wasn't like we were paying attention at all in the hall. Some were ipod-ing, surfing d net, doodling, gossipping, staring blankly on the lecturer (this includes me!), and even sleeping + snoring happily. I would rather stay in my room and prepare my teaching props in my sweet times.

This afternoon, right after me, k mard, dzt n hisyam had our early lunch or should i say brunch at UM, we drove along Jln Klang Lama in quest of SMK Taman Yarl. What we read on the internet, and from some people, the school was surrounded by flats and some low-costs housing area. So, I thought the surrounding was something like Pantai Dalam. But, duh~ went we got there, I had a shock of my life. Why? Why???!!!#$%^&*! The school was surrounded by super big houses, which explains why it was so difficult for us to find the school. Hahaha! Gosh! Now I am wondering how are the kids, the teachers, the expectations and the students' command of English.

Okay, what ever it is, wish me luck, folks... I am going to continue with my teaching materials preparation. Hehehe! Skempus (skema nak mampus) tak aku??? Hahahah!
As I was taking my shower this morning, I come to think of the people, friends, and relationships that exist in my life and my surroundings. All the thoughts that are related to these things made me ponder upon the true meaning of friendship. Is friendship a trading item? It might be true for some people. It might be true for me as well - at times, with some people.

I would like to bring you to another dimension of friendship that maybe you have never entered or discovered before. Do you know, some people regard friendship as a trading tool. A tool or medium to achieve or earn something. And, there are also people, who never learned how to build an honest frienship without having a TOOL/ MEDIUM for keeping "friends" around them. Or in other words, a tool to keep the knot tight. These 'people' may include you, I, they, or anyone.

Admit it. Who never pretended to be nice with someone just for the sake of the free rides during "financial breakdown" seasons? Who never play with sweet words on not-so-close friends when they are going on a date tomorrow and suddenly realised that they didn't have anything good to wear for that occasion? These are some of the examples of situations when a person put friendship on the table for trading. Friendship is being traded with items/ priviledges/ services.

Do not feel surprise when I say that sometimes, some people need a tool to build a freindship. Without this tool, they will have nothing in common and therefore, will have almost nothing to talk about or issues to be discussed on. This tool can be 1) the same course that they are studying together, 2) one single movie that everyone in the group should love so that everyone could have a say on it, 3) a car that they can ride on together so that they could have their outings together, 4) a guitar so that he/she could fit in and play along with the rest, or 5) the same shirts so that other people will notice how they are alike and that they belong to a particular group. The tool can be of anything. Anything at all.

A simpler example is as follow:

There are Mickey, Doraemon, Popeye, Garfield, and Shrek playing at the playground. None of them know one another. That evening, The ugly Shrek brought along a huge packet of caramel popcorn to the playground. Slowly, the ever-hungry Garfield approached the ugly Shrek. Then, came the talking mouse, Mickey. And soon after, the rest of them were surrounding the ugly ogre. Though they were all very different from one another, they managed to put aside the differences just for the sake of the popcorn. Thus, some of them who were very skillful with words and had sweet mouths could easily persuade Shrek to share some of his popcorn with them. But, others had to climb slowly to the top in order to get some of their shares. They talked, and played together. Before they realised it, they were eating the popcorn together, all five of them. Then, the time had come. They were running out of popcorn. They tried to initiate further conversations and tried to expand their bonding. But, sooner or later, one by one walked away from Shrek, the empty-handed ogre. Without any misunderstanding/disagreement/quarrel, their short friendship had come to an end.

Well, that was when some people use a tool to build a friendship and when some other people need a tool to keep their friendships.

I personally think, there are times when we unintentionally needed a tool-based friendship. Because it happens everywhere. But, I don't think that this kind of friendship would last. The longest might be for months or years but never is forever. Soon, when they had finished studying that same course, when they had gone bored liking the same movie, when other people offered better cars, when they had lost their guitars or gone tired learning guitar, or the trend of wearing the same shirts had wear off of the trend, the friendship, will lose its sparks.

I was just writing this post as a reminder to you, to myself and to everyone else. Because no one is perfect. As much as I would love to curse and pray for the worst for all the backstabbers, or plastic-faced so-called friends, I should try to forgive them (or the least I could do is to forget) because they are just like me, an imperfect creature of Allah, the Almighty God of the universe.
Thank you, Ibu for taking care of for 9 months pluss in your womb and let me explore this world. Thank you too for caring, loving, and educating me for 22 years ever since i was borned.

Thank you, Abah for loving, caring, educating, and providing all the things that i need in life for these 22 years.

Now, that I am 22 years old, I am slowly flying away from my parents' nest to build my very own nest- preferrably not too far away from theirs.

Thank you, friends for your thoughtful birthday wishes, gifts, midnight phone calls for hours (this is specially referring to Zali), and birthday treats -pasts and yet to come (hehe! im waiting, im waiting...).

Special thank you to Kak Mard, K.A, and Acan for celebrating my birthday in Carl's Jr last Thursday. And of course thank you for the super cute and super sweet "Little Atie" and the birthday gift. Love u guys A LOT!

This is the cake that Acan and KA called "Little Atie" coz according to em it looks like me. hahaha! So cute, aite?

This is "Pocoyo". She is a birthday gift from Kak Mard, KA and Acan. I love her coz she is so adorable. And of course I luv em all for buying tis cute lil thing that I always wanted. Tq korang!


"Premier Jour" by Nina Ricci-prezzy from Abah. Really10x like the scent. Woohoo!

A bday gift from Mar and Izzah. I know it was an empty cadbury box wrapped up with a big ribbon. Initially (of course before it went empty), the box was full of home-made blueberry cheese tarts. So nyummy. Freshly made by Mar. Tapi, obviously dah kena balun in one day! Totally forgot to take pic of it while it was still full. Hehe!

Thank you everyone! Luv this year's birthday compared to last year's.

XOXO





Parked my car near Kerinchi station, dash to Masjid Jamek by LRT as soon as he called me saying he was already on the train. While on the LRT.... lots of things came to my mind:

-how should i great him for the first time?
-where should i stand?
-how should i smile/ should i make my normal face?
-what should i say?

Then, when i finally reached Masjid Jamek, i then, realised there were 2 sides of the station. Damn! The most important thing that i forgot to think while on the LRT: which side will he be waiting for me? I was so nervous by then that i could not think properly while looking at the map. URgh! Then, i seriously didnt know what made me think that he would be coming out from side A. I found a spot, directly opposite the exit, waited there for few minutes... then, he called. He said he was already in front of the ticket counter. I went, "Hah?!!!" Hrmmm... then, "Alamak, i think i tunggu u kat side yg salahlah..." (Dalam hati menyumpah coz habis plan asal aku. Hahaha!)

So, he crossed the road to my side coz we needed to take the LRT back to Kerinchi from this side. I was smiling when i saw him. One thing that poped out in my head was, "Pergh, tinggi giler mamat ni..." And I'm telling you, he was defintely thinking the opposite way of me. Coz the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "Aik, rendah je u ni..." Huh! Yelah I know I'm short not like you.. Nasib baik dia tak cakap, "Aik, gemuknya u ni..." If that was the case, memang nak kene cubit2 lah tuuu...

Okay, now let me give you just the brief details of what happened next...

  • Reached my car only to noticed that i was fined for parking on a yellow line! Darn! Bila aku tak parking situ, takde pun sape2 nak fine org. Time aku park barulah pakcik polis nak nyaman2 org. Aku park sat je pun. Urgh!! Dahlah takde duit nak makan, nak shopping ni kan pulak nk bayar saman.
  • Went to OU. We had our first lunch, watch mv together for the first time, etc. Yeah, basically, that day was the our first time of everything together. It was pretty hard during paying time. I was so used to pay my own stuff, not depending on guys to pay for me. And of course, I have this perception that, it was very ungentleman for a guy to be treated by a girl. Plus, my friends have been advicing me not to be taken advantaged on by a guy on our first meet. So, i found it really hard to make it clear to him when it comes to paying time--especially now, that I am pokai. Also, I can be very kedekut when it comes to treating people who is not so close to me. And I can be very generous to those close ones.
  • Our 1st mv was "The Losers". Yeah, I know it wasnt romantic at all. But, hey! It wasnt that bad after all. Lots of actions and some humours with a lil bit of romance. I think it was better than watching "Iron Man" on a first date. (Sorry Sayang, bukan nak kata pilihan u tak best, tapi memang tak best pun.. hehehe!) Luckily Iron Man was at 6pm. But, of course pity him coz he really wanted to watch it. Me, I always wanted to watch a romantic comedy with my BF. Now, that i finally got the chance to watch mv with my BF, the showing time for Date Night was not suitable for us. *Sigh*
  • Had our dinner together at Mid Valley food court. I was glad that he told me during dinner that he was comfortable with me. He said that was bcoz i am very talkative. Hahaha! Dah tau dah... Even Ibu pun dah agak Atie lebih banyak bebel bila kuar dgn Din. Hurm.. what to do.. that's Atie. I am quite an extrovert person. As Nisah used to called me, "Cibi"! Whatever does that mean, Nisah.
I liked him a lot. From our first meeting, I learned that he was a very possessive man, caring, loving, understanding and have lotsa patience on me. No matter what i said, how angry and pissed i was, no matter how moody i was, he would always remain calm and cool. That's good. Hot and cold. Fire and water. Well, so far everything went good between us. Hope it would remain that way, maybe even better in the future... hopefully.