As I grow up...

There's a saying, "Friends come and go". Hmm.. this maybe true in many aspects. Im sure almost everyone out there have some very close friends during school years. I mean, during both primary and secondary schooling years. Me too. No exception. I went to 3 primary schools because my dad kept on being transfered to different branches. Then, I attended 2 different secondary schools for some reasons that are not related to this topic so, I am too lazy to explain here. The main point is that doesn't matter in which school I studied, I would always found those few special souls to be my good/close friends.

Those friends who were being promoted to be my good friends were those who not only listened to my problems but also, helped me solved those problems. We shared our laughters and tears, we argued, we screamed, yelled and there were also times when backstabbing happened. But, we soon, forgave each other. And that's why we were good friends.

Back then, we understood each other better than we are now because we spent so much time together. Some of us lived in the same street, in the same neighbourhood and walked to school together. We sat next to each other in class, or at least, we studied in the same classes for years. Most of our days were spent seeing each other and spending time together. Thus, we knew almost every single thing that happened in each other's life. When my dad married the f****** bitch, who now, become his second wife, terrible things happened to my family and those things were shared with my best buddies. Those days, they were very understanding of my conditions. Sometimes, we did not have to give reasons or excuses and could already read each other's minds. But, that was back then. Back then. When we were kiddos.

Now, things changed. Slow, silently, crawling through time, through years. Years that drew us apart from each other. I am not blaming any of us. It's nobody's fault. We were drawn apart because of the different paths that we chose after those school years. I chose to be a teacher (some people questioned this decision of mine: "cikgu je?" or, "why teacher?", "you can choose better professions", "buat penat study lama2, jadi cikgu je?"), others choose all those popular and high prospects professions. When I was free, they were crammed with assignments and projects. When they were hanging out together, I was abroad for 2 years. We're no longer walking on the same path. Our lifestyles, tastes in fashion, principles of life, life stories are no longer the same as years before.

We have grown up to be different people with the same old names. I am no longer the old Izzati that some of them knew back then. And so are they. Now, everyone has different stories to share, has tonnes of problmes untold, etc. We also have new close friends. As for me, I have some additional new friends in college. Because they are the ones who I could share my stories, probs, success,happiness, etc with. Because they are the nearest people to me. I see these people almost all the time since we are staying in the same hostel neighbourhood. Thus, they are more concerned of me and my well beings than those who were a bit further away from me. Yes, there's a malay saying, "Jauh di mata, dekat di hati" (Far from the eyes, but close to the heart). But, somehow or another, we have to admit that, being far away from friends might not lessen our love and care for them but, it may create a gap among us because people might change when living afar without realising it.

Well, I think I might have mentioned in my previous posts about my house being broke into by burglars and how we were traumatised by the several break-ins, and also about my outing with my fellow former school mates who were very close to me few days ago (indeed, few days before this outing, there was a break-in in my neighbour's house nextdoor in broad daylight!). Yes, this post definitely has relation to this one.

Living in my neighbourhood, one has to abide by some crucial rules that if one broke the rules, one might face deadly consequences. When I say deadly, I really meant it. People were murdered few metres away from my street, being robbed on the road nearby, kidnapped and held hostage in a house, 3 houses next to mine, which the kidnappers had M16, etc. Thus, it's important that we reach home before night fall or at least, before it reaches the crime hour (10-4am is the time that we call crime hour). It's not they were not told about incidences happened here. But, I guess it was just that they were not around me when things occured. I felt sad coz whenever I went out with them and I wanted to go back early by at least 8pm, they would persuade me or should I say kinda force me to stay longer (I use the word "force" because when someone keeps on persuading you to do something so that you would finally do it unwillingly, it is defined as forcing.) They made me give them hundreds of excuses. Sometimes those excuses were honest but, they just could not accept them.

How else should I tell them? Sometimes, these are the things that made me feel not to go out with them coz I knew how it would turn out. As for this particular outing, I faught with my bro before dashing out to meet my dear friendsss. I hate it when I quarreled with my family because of my friends. I love both but they just dont understand! That day, initially, I was a bit reluctant to hang out with them because I felt guilty for leaving my family to do the work and preparation when I, happily enjoying my outing with friends and spending money breaking fast outside (it turned out I had to spend about 20 bucks for my break fast that day when my mum had already cooked for us at home. Plus, we stucked in the traffic jam along PG hihgway and I actually took a shortcut which actually passed by my house-which of course made me feel even more guilty). However, for the sake of our friendship and after being persuaded and given a lee way that I could leave after breaking fast with them, I persuaded my mum to go. Thus, in the middle of baking my Kuih Sarang Semut that took forever to finish, I left my siblings to continue the work. So bad am I not?

They set the time to meet at around 5.30pm. I asked one of them whether she had booked the place or not but she said nope. I told her that it might be risky to burst into a restaurant without booking during fasting month. But, she said its alright. They were also notified that I would be meeting them there around 6pm because of my sarang semut. So, when I'd dressed up, I realised that my bro was using my car. My mum said that he went for a haircut but, at this time? When I dy told them Im going out at 6? When my bro got home, obviously I scolded him. I hate making people wait for me especially when I do not know whether they have been waiting for me for how long and with whom. So, I speed to PG and took every shortcut I knew to avoid the traffic jam down at the PG highway. AS soon s I reached PG, one of them called me and told me that there was a change in the plan. They wanted to meet at the petrol station. Gosh! GOd knew how I felt that time. I was so blur. PG had changed a lot. The last time I came to PG, there was no Petronas next to PG Shell and definitely no McD next to the Petronas. Basically, I was puzzled when they ordered me to go here and there. Which Shell? Skjp Shell, skjp Petronas, skjp McD. Wat the heck!

Wen I finally found them, I was told that we were going to break fast in Tesco. So, wen they asked me whether Im fine with tht, I said sure! Tesco was near my house. Easier and faster for me to go home. Then, they said Plentong Tesco. Waaaaat?!! Gielr ke ape? It was already 6 something. And PG highway would be packed with cars like in a sardine tin. Seriously dude. But, the thing was, there were not just cars there were huge trucks, trailers and all kinds of trucks on the road. PG is a big port so yeah. Imagine that! Plus, I was from Megah Ria just done escaping the traffic jam to PG and now, I was asked to go to Plentong. Imagine a straight line: Plentong <-------------my house <-------> PG (house -->PG -->house-->Plentong). See? So, imagine my feeling. I was so exhausted the whole week and they made me went through all that just for spending about 15 minutes of quality time with them and that was while eating. Honestly, I was quite dissappointed.

And, to top it all, we were actually dining in a BBQ Chicken restaurant. I believe we could find a better spot in PG or Masai. I would rather eat in a kedai makan tepi jalan or KFC with the kind of food served and for the price. Or even better, like what one of them said, "Macam ni, baik pergi JB terus dah on d way". True! I could even bring them to Damai Restaurant and eat Shark fin soup.

After eating there, I then realised that I had 5 missed calls from home. I was worried. My mum's car was in the workshop for service so I was thinking of so many things like wat if bad things happened and I did not hear their calls? Then, I called them and my sis told me that my mum asked me to buy needles for the sewing machine. It was already 10 passed 9. Wer can I buy those needles? I dont think I would be able to get home by 10. Unless I dashed out there and then.

When I told them my situation, I was hoping that as friends they would understand me. But, nope. One of them kept on persuading me to stay on longer to watch movie pulak which made me felt more guilty to both my family and friends. MOVIE pulak?! After we went out from the restaurant, they wanted to jalan2 around Tesco. Dah sah2 mmg dalam tu xde kedai jahit. So, around 9.45pm, I speed my car back to Masai and searched for kedai jahit nearby since the one and only kedai jahit that my family knew just closed. So unlucky! Right when I drove passed the shop, my mum called and yelled at me saying that I should be back NOW! PRONTO! "sudah2 ler tu bersuka ria macam dah tak ingat rumah" Obviously I yelled back at my mum. I felt like crying coz I was so damn pissed off and tired and stressed and tired and felt like driving the car and crashing into any vehicles that I saw on the road. And all these happened 2 days b4 raya.

When I got home, everyone showed me their disagreement to me. They were very quiet. They were not answering my questions properly. I felt like slapping every faceI saw. Seriously, I am a very bad tempered person, people. Then, I had a more controlled argument with my mum.
Of course these were all originated from my guilt to both parties. And yeah, in the end, my mum could not finish sewing her baju raya. not even one. So, whose fault was that? ME!!!! If I were home that nite, I would be able to help them make the kuih siput so that tey could finish making eating earlier and I could buy the sewing needles around 8pm and my mum would probably manage to finish sewing her baju rayas. Stupid Atie! This might be the last time I would ever go out for a nite outing with them. Even if it means the end of our relationship. Unless, they asked me out on the right time, to the right place, wihtout any reluctance feeling or guilt, then, I'll go. Go to hell with all those. Family is more important to me than friends. Full Stop!

I know that I cant and I shouldnt put all the blame on my friends because they just did not understand my situation for not being there with me most of the time like we used to be in schools. They were not hte ones living in a place like mine, in a family like mine, and they are not me! They didnt know how I felt. Same like how I do not understand and know them now. We all have changed thru time. I believe that there are so many secrets and things that I do not know about their current life and they too do not know much about things that happened in my life now. To share a part of this life would be like putting a piece of jigsaw puzzle on its board with 99% of the puzzle went missing. Things would never make sense with just apiece of that puzzle.

Thus, as I grow up, almost everything around me has changed. And, for me, to face these changes is very difficult.