Our First Date...

Parked my car near Kerinchi station, dash to Masjid Jamek by LRT as soon as he called me saying he was already on the train. While on the LRT.... lots of things came to my mind:

-how should i great him for the first time?
-where should i stand?
-how should i smile/ should i make my normal face?
-what should i say?

Then, when i finally reached Masjid Jamek, i then, realised there were 2 sides of the station. Damn! The most important thing that i forgot to think while on the LRT: which side will he be waiting for me? I was so nervous by then that i could not think properly while looking at the map. URgh! Then, i seriously didnt know what made me think that he would be coming out from side A. I found a spot, directly opposite the exit, waited there for few minutes... then, he called. He said he was already in front of the ticket counter. I went, "Hah?!!!" Hrmmm... then, "Alamak, i think i tunggu u kat side yg salahlah..." (Dalam hati menyumpah coz habis plan asal aku. Hahaha!)

So, he crossed the road to my side coz we needed to take the LRT back to Kerinchi from this side. I was smiling when i saw him. One thing that poped out in my head was, "Pergh, tinggi giler mamat ni..." And I'm telling you, he was defintely thinking the opposite way of me. Coz the first thing that came out of his mouth was, "Aik, rendah je u ni..." Huh! Yelah I know I'm short not like you.. Nasib baik dia tak cakap, "Aik, gemuknya u ni..." If that was the case, memang nak kene cubit2 lah tuuu...

Okay, now let me give you just the brief details of what happened next...

• Reached my car only to noticed that i was fined for parking on a yellow line! Darn! Bila aku tak parking situ, takde pun sape2 nak fine org. Time aku park barulah pakcik polis nak nyaman2 org. Aku park sat je pun. Urgh!! Dahlah takde duit nak makan, nak shopping ni kan pulak nk bayar saman.

• Went to OU. We had our first lunch, watch mv together for the first time, etc. Yeah, basically, that day was the our first time of everything together. It was pretty hard during paying time. I was so used to pay my own stuff, not depending on guys to pay for me. And of course, I have this perception that, it was very ungentleman for a guy to be treated by a girl. Plus, my friends have been advicing me not to be taken advantaged on by a guy on our first meet. So, i found it really hard to make it clear to him when it comes to paying time--especially now, that I am pokai. Also, I can be very kedekut when it comes to treating people who is not so close to me. And I can be very generous to those close ones.
  

• Our 1st mv was "The Losers". Yeah, I know it wasnt romantic at all. But, hey! It wasnt that bad after all. Lots of actions and some humours with a lil bit of romance. I think it was better than watching "Iron Man" on a first date. (Sorry Sayang, bukan nak kata pilihan u tak best, tapi memang tak best pun.. hehehe!) Luckily Iron Man was at 6pm. But, of course pity him coz he really wanted to watch it. Me, I always wanted to watch a romantic comedy with my BF. Now, that i finally got the chance to watch mv with my BF, the showing time for Date Night was not suitable for us. *Sigh*

• Had our dinner together at Mid Valley food court. I was glad that he told me during dinner that he was comfortable with me. He said that was bcoz i am very talkative. Hahaha! Dah tau dah... Even Ibu pun dah agak Atie lebih banyak bebel bila kuar dgn Din. Hurm.. what to do.. that's Atie. I am quite an extrovert person. As Nisah used to called me, "Cibi"! Whatever does that mean, Nisah.

I liked him a lot. From our first meeting, I learned that he was a very possessive man, caring, loving, understanding and have lotsa patience on me. No matter what i said, how angry and pissed i was, no matter how moody i was, he would always remain calm and cool. That's good. Hot and cold. Fire and water. Well, so far everything went good between us. Hope it would remain that way, maybe even better in the future... hopefully.

Updates... Coming Up!

Helloooooo ma blog!! Woow! This is weird. Awkward… I don’t know where to begin. Like meeting a guy for the first time, I don’t know how to start. Okay, first thing first. After a month returning to Malaysia, I bought Celcom broadband. It was around Dec. The speed was quite bearable when used at home. But, using it in the hostel, namely Ipba block 4, really tested my patience to the max! $58 for 5G so as they said. But, with the limited connectivity and very slow internet speed, I only managed to use up to max of 2G of my data. I might as well buy maxis broadband which cost around 50plus for 3G (if im not mistaken lah…). Towards the 3rd month of using it, I started to give up my patience. So, bye bye to staying up late till 3/ 4 am just to serve the net and I started my favourite habit-excessive napping in the noon. Well, without sacrificing my sleeping hours, it was almost impossible to get any connection (because those are ipbarians’ sleeping hours). In other words, I’ve not been online ever since that time.

One day, I felt like checking on my internet. Plug in the modem, tried to connect to the net, and walla! I forgot to settle my overdue payments. Nice one! Then, one day, I saw digi was doing a promo for its broadband. $30plus for 5G without modem that is. Since my modem at home can be used for any simcards, I decided not to buy the digi modem. Went back, I tried once more my celcom broadband but, suddently a pop up window appeared saying stuff showing that there was a prob with my modem. Then, I changed to my digi sim.. again… damn! Now, it’s the modem pulak! Sial giler lah… bengang aku bengang… So, people, that’s the whole story of my sudden disappearance. Sorry for no updates these few months.

Many things happened in my life these few months. I would try to simplify everything.. I am trying ok… you know how I love to write lengthy posts.. duh~

-went out with this handsome bloke. Well hey! Who knows he’s a dumbass bastard! He lied to me. One day, kantoi that he already had a gf back in Kelantan. Yes, he’s a Kelantanese! He even lied to me about his hometown.  ditch him! Duh~

-somebody stole my kitten when she already chose her own in the 1st place. Reason: she suddenly changed her mind, wanted a female one + she said she already took care and fed the kitten for a week. (What?! I cant believe her. I fed the kittenssss and the mum for weeks. Did I say nything? Not even to her when she stole my kitten.) I couldn’t look at the kitten for few weeks. I felt like crying coz I really love that kitty and planning to take it once she is big enough and the mum is ready to separate with her babies.

-well, now, I don’t bother bout it nymore. Well, wounds take time to recover you know. Well, I guess ‘this’ wound has somewhat recovered. So, u could do whatever to that kitten.

-All of us seemed so close once. Went to lectures together, eat together, went out together… But, one day, everything seemed to start to change. I wasn’t sure either I, unintentionally had hurt their feelings or did something wrong to them or whatever… But, what I am sure is that they started leaving me behind, purposely not including me in their plans, etc. Yeah, if im not mistaken all these took place when one of them drove her mum’s car to ipba. So yeah. A car can only fit 5 people comfortably including the driver. So, maybe I had to accept the excuse of “tak muat”.

-I tak tahan with this one ‘mak cik’. Dia kata dia tak suka orang angkatkan her clothes kat ampaian. But u know what? That ampaian is not urs. It is shared with 12 other housemates. Well, not that I ever angkatkan her baju but, yeah obviously-lah I did moved her clothes away from my wet clothes. I really think that she should be thankful to whoever yang angkat her baju tu. At least, not like some people who simply hang their wet clothes near others’ dry ones. And there are also people, who xreti2 nak angkat baju dah berhari2 pun buat bodo je. Yg itu, memang nak kene lempar je baju2 nye. If the person balik kampong ke understandable lah. Tapi ade tu yg ade je balik rumah at least sekejap, gi lah cek kain-baju tu. Orang len pun nak pakai ampaian. Bila kene galih tau nak bersungut pulak.

-There is this one bitch, she, out of no where come out with a stupid idea accusing me as a thief. Eff you see kay! She went out with some frenz. Then, she could find her watch. Suddenly, she made this statement, “Mesti ……. I yang curi jam I”. then, she searched in her bag only to find her fucking watch. Excuse me! I don’t want ur watch or stuff. Whatever… I don’t give a shit pun. Cuma, at times, when she talked nicely to me, it sure reminds me of what she accused me of.

-Ooo.. then there is IPBA. Sucky Yucky Ipba. With ridiculous, atrocious rules and time management that make everyone’s life miserable. Great that I have only have 1 more sem of practicum to go.

-Now, I’m with Azudin@Din. He is so kind, caring, loving, etc. Still working on this one tho.

Guess, these are the important stuff I want to share here. The rest, cant think of any at the moment. Will continue some other time.

"Siapa Bf yOu?"

- Youuu...
Awak...
Sayang...

- iyee...

Hehehe... kamu sangat sweet dan comel dari segi perwatakan, cara layanan, dan bibir yang seksi! Hahaha (ampun kepada empunya bibir seksi itu... *tolonglah jangan baca*). Handsome di mata saya. At times, dia sangat romantik, manja dan nakal. But there are also times when he gets serious, all business, strict, workaholic, and determine.

Yang penting... he made me wonder, why him? Weird aint it? I know, he asked me once too. For me, do we have to provide answer for everything in this world? Sometimes, there are things that we cant explain with plain words. To make it short, simple and sweet... He is Special! -In his own way, of course.

Lelaki yang mampu buat Izzati cair:

• hot, gorgeous, tough, gentleman
• alim sikit2 as in boleh lah bimbing aku dalam benda2 basic xlah sampai dia sendiri jahil bab2 tu (alim banyak freaks me out)
• lelaki yang pandang jauh ke hadapan n plan future die (bukan yang leave things as it is)
• lelaki yang aku rasa safe bila berdamping dengan dia (safe tak bermaksud perlu berbadan sasa- kalau badan lg besar dr aku tp penakut baik tak yah LOL)
• Paling penting: lelaki yang mampu sayang aku at d same time mampu tundukkan aku @ gain my RESPECT

Aku hanyalah wanita akhir zaman...

Isteri yang bakal kamu nikahi tidaklah semulia Khadijah
tidaklah setaqwa Aisyah
tidaklah setabah Fatimah,
tetapi bakal isterimu itu hanyalah wanita akhir zaman
yang mempunyai cita-cita, menjadi solehah..

dan kamu...
berlapang dadalah untuk memiliki isteri yang tidak sehebat siapapun
kerana kamu juga harus sedar bahawa,
kamu bukanlah Rasulullah.
pun bukan Ali bin Abi Talib.
tapi...
Kamu hanyalah suami akhir zaman yang berusaha untuk menjadi soleh..




***************

Pada suatu hari, Khalid bin Safwan melihat satu perhimpunan di dalam sebuah masjid di Basrah. Lalu beliau bertanya akan tujuan perhimpunan itu diadakan kepada seorang lelaki yang hadir di situ:


‘Apakah tujuan perhimpunan ini wahai saudara?’


‘Seorang wanita sedang menerangkan tentang ciri wanita yang layak dikahwini’ jawab lelaki tadi apabila ditanya oleh Khalid bin Safwan. Lalu Khalid terus menyatakan hajatnya kepada wanita tadi. katanya:


‘Aku inginkan perawan berpengalaman seperti seorang isteri. Bila dikahwini sesuci perawan. Manis apabila didekati. Mulia bila berjauhan, dia mampu hidup dalam kemewahan tetapi bila dilanda kemiskinan dia masih punya keperibadian seperti orang kaya dan dan kerendahan hati si miskin. Apabila kami kaya, kami hidup seperti warga dunia. Pabila miskin, KEHIDUPAN kami seperti warga akhirat’ begitulah permintaan Khalid yang diajukan kepada wanita tersebut.


Tiba-tiba, seorang wanita bangun lalu menjawab permintaan Khalid bin Safwan: ‘Aku kenal akan wanita yang kamu maksudkan itu’


‘Di mana dia wahai saudari?’ tanya Khalid lagi. ‘Dia ada di syurga ALLAH. Jadi, bekerjalah untuk ke syurga dan temui dia di sana’ terkejut dengan jawapan itu, Khalid bin Safwan didatangi dengan sebuah keinsafan. Dia berlalu.


*****************



KERANA...KESEMPURNAAN ITU HANYA MILIK PENGHUNI SYURGA.

P/s- terima kasih buat Atiqah Humaira atas perkongsian ini.

Boyfriend 5.0 vs Husband 1.0

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the
overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and ESPN 2.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?


Signed,
Desperate

--------------------------

-----------------------------------------------

Reply:

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind; Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0.

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik 6.1. Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.


Good Luck,
IT Support

Who Understand Us all??

Boys complained, they dont understand girls and vice versa. As a female, I, myself couldnt understand my type. Explain that to me, why?

I dont understand guys. Why treating us as if u luv us when u are not? Why call "sayang" if u dont "sayang" us? Words are merely words. Is it? Then how do u guys ever express your TRUE FEELINGS with words? No such thing as expressing them by words? Then, dont live among the human population. Human invented literacy for a reason which is to COMMUNICATE.

That's it. I am done. I give up! Tired of searching. Why always the wrong ones? "Bodo"! (pronounce it like Dr. Boon > with a thick /d/ sound.) Liar, liar, liar! That's it!

Just Reminiscing

Yesterday, while I was rearranging my books, I found a big farewell card from my dear frens back in Auckland. I opened it and read every message written inside. I was touched and surprised by how much I miss them already.

That's life. Life must go on. I'm moving, yea I'm moving babe! Hahaha! Bullshit to old love! I just wanna be happy, n rich, n healthy n rich again, with never ending flows of money. Coz right now, I still havent got my allowance. Aargh!! How frustrating can that be? Really2 frustrating! Staying in KL, 5 mins away from Mid Valley, with SALES everywhere (not literally everywhere, duh~) complimented with empty pockets, how perfect is that?! *sigh*

What the heck?!

"What the heck was my dad thinking?" was my latest status on FB.

My dad was supposed to visit me tonight and passed me some stuff from home. But, tonight, he wasnt alone. He brought along that "bitch" and those son and daughters of that bitch. He even asked me to meet em and shake their hands. What the Fcuk! Daym!
Abah, oh Abah! Of course-lah I put on a damn fake face. Haktuih!

We're DoNe

Thank you Allah for the guts, courage and patience that you lent to me just now.

I finally said it to him. And now, we're officially done. It was painful. Undeniably hurtful but, we managed to settle things in the most matured way we could both think of.

Thanks for the moments. You definitely made me stronger and more patience. And I am sorry for everything I'd done that hurts your feelings.

Maybe, we could work things out once we're both ready, once you learn to appreciate me better, and most importantly, once you learn to truthfully love me with all your heart.

Who needs Orientation when...

3-days-orientation session for Cohort 4 YEAR 4 & Pismp Year 1. Hello! Year 4, okay! As if we're kiddos. I can still understand those speeches about rules and academic. But, the childish games and treating us like some noobs and freshies really annoyed me.

Who needs Orientation,

when they are lame and boring,
when they are too draggy,
when the activities were designed for audience way younger than your age,
when the Orientation is full of "lipan" and "botol" ^_^
when you're hungry and the facis're taking your lunch time way too long!
when you're already the super senior and being treated as if you're the super junior.

Thank goodness it has come to its end... urgh!

Starting a new Chapter...

I am culture shock! Almost 2 years abroad might seem like a short while. But, believe me, it is enough to make you flatter with the new environment and culture that you could actually undergone culture shock being in your own country.

I am finally back in Ipba. Now, I'm staying in Block 4 with other 2 frenz which are still no where to be seen around campus. I got here by bus from JB. The thing that I worried d most was being in Pudu and taking a cab from there. What if the system changed? What if I cant get a cab from the previous taxi stand nymore? My stuff was so heavy, how to cross the street? Especially with KL's traffic....

Then, true enough, there are a few changes in Pudu. Like the improvisation of Puduraya, and it's easier to get cab now that more honest taxi drivers using meter around Pudu, n the increase of taxi fee. Ipba has a new hostel gate, I tell you! hahaha... I was thinking of asking the taxi driver to drop me in front of Block 4, only to be disappointed by d pak cik guard. So, I had to carry all my heavy stuff from Block 6 for registration to Block 4.

Entered my room, and tadaa! Well, nothing shock me this time. It's Ipba. I am already prepared for the worst. The room was not that bad but, mind you, wasn't ok at all too. Super duper dusty, and here comes the worst part; both lights and the fan in d room cannot be switched on. Imagine that! I reached my room around 5 something. Started cleaning quarter to 6 and now, I m sitting on my desk in d dark. At least, it is not hot in here thanks to the outside wind from my opened window.

Tomorrow is my last day of holiday. I have to report to college on Wednesday. I m still in holidays fever!!! Dont wanna start study yet. Tolonglaah...

Teruk Betul!

Living in boarding school again. Just that now, no more school hours, prep, and co-co xtvts for me. I'm currently staying with my mum and siblings in Sek Tun Fatimah.

I despise registration day. So many people, so many cars, hectic, etc. Plus, some families are just so annoying.

Today is registration day in STF. Menyampah I! I'm staying in Block E; the worst hostel block it is. Very small parking space at the side of the block. So of course, there are so many cars parked there. They simply parked nywer. To start with, I had to fetch my bro from work. But, my car was being surrounded by other cars with no driver. So, how am I suppose to know which car belongs to whom. I hentam aje lah you. Reverse here and there. Struggling to break free. Lol! Then, there was this tree trunk behind my car. I was trying to avoid that trunk. Then, "kaboom!" Shit! Errrr... what was that? I put my gear into P and got down from the car. Check the back of my car. Then I saw some scratches with black paint on my car's bumper. Then, I thought, Aww! This is not good. I looked back and saw this Black Proton Wira. Errr... Did I just bumped onto this car? Aiyaa! Dielah. I looked around for the owner of that car but nobody seemed to show any concern about that car. So, cabut lah beb! I was pretty shocked tho! But, the car was just fine with no scratch or damage.

Siot kan aku.. haha. I know. But, it was an accident. Plus, no harm or damage was involved.

Im goin back to Ipba by bus tomorrow. Umm... I hate the crowd in Pudu. Gal! Pening! Im excited plus worried about my final year in Ipba. What would it be like? Hope everything's gonna be fine.

I'm Torn Apart

I'm bleeding tears. Bleeding from a scar within.

It hurts. Yes, it hurts.
The pain is unspeakable. Even more painful, you don't see my scar, my pain, my tears.
You stabbed me with an invisible dagger, that not even you could see with your bare eyes.

My heart is dying. It's so painful that it begged for dear life. I am trying to tell you, but you wouldn't listen. This story needs to end. And I am sorry that our story almost comes to an end.

I wish that I could gather my guts so that I could tell you this:

"Maybe later, when we both are truly ready.
Maybe later, when you could give me your life and heart.
Maybe later, when you learn to appreciate me.
And Maybe later, with God's will, we will be together again."

I want to write something here but, honestly bebz, I have no idea what to write.

I wanna continue writing songs. Aargh! Not a single sentence... sepatah haram pun tak keluar. When I finally tuned into a good melody, I could not find a suitable lyrics for it pulak and vice versa.

I wonder what 2010 will bring... I hope there would be less crisis, less conflicts, less pains and struggle but more happiness, success, health and wealth. But, are those possible? No pain no gain.

Anyhow, my new year resolution is to lose plenty of weight! Yes, I want to lose as much pounds as possible. We'll see.. we'll see. Oooh yeah... and maybe I can include one more resolution. That is, to ditch my ungrateful boyfriend.

Maktokku yang Berusia 85 tahun...

Dulu aku ada 2 nenek. Bulan Mei tahun ni, nenek kesayangan ku telah kembali ke Rahmatullah. Kini tinggallah nenekku yang sorang lagi ni. Umurnya dah 85tahun tapi masih gagah, dan takda pun sakit2. Semuanya hasil daripada diet sihatnya selama ini yang tak makan daging ayam dan daging. Hanya makan ikan dan banyak berulam je.

Nenek aku ni, dah hampir sepuluh tahun duduk dengan anak2nya. Dari satu rumah ke satu rumah. Bila sorang anak ni dapat bersabar dengan kerenahnya, si nenek ni pulak nak demand macam2. Rumah sempit lah, bosan tinggal kat kampung la (iolah... dari die kecik duduk bandar la katakan... ). Takpun, anak2nya dah tak mampu nak bersabar.

Sebelum2 ni, aku, adik beradikku dan ibu ku ingatkan anak2 nenek aku ni yang tak nak sabar dgn maknya (ada betulnya jugaklah sebenarnya), rupa2nya, nenek aku ni memang suka cari masalah. Sekarang, dia tinggal dengan kami. Pelik, bila dikenangkan. Dulu, she used to treat us very badly. Bad mouthing my mum to her in-laws and children, looking down at my mum and my siblings. Now, she has no choice sebab none of her kids sanggup nak jaga dia except my mum yang sangat baik hati ni.

Seminggu, dua tu tak nampak lagi belangnya. Dah lama2... hah amik ko! Baru berapa minggu duduk dengan kami, dah berjela2 umpat keji, fitnah yang ditabur. Kalau mengumpat tu masih boleh la ditahan dek telinga ni. At least, we can just jawab "uhhuh", "ye", "haah", etc. Tapi, die terlalu buruk sangka kat orang. Nampak orang India je, die akan kata "Hah, tu dorang nak buat apa tu? Entah2, nak.....". Nampak orang Cina je, "Ish, maktok tak suka orang cina ni. Tu mesti dorang nak ...." (Padahal, dia tu pun cina! Al-peliks!) Paling aku tak suka, dia bersyakwasangka kat adik aku pulak. Aku misplace RM200, pastu dari gaya dia, seolah2 dia menuding jari kat adik aku. Pastu kata adik aku yang baru 8 tahun tu tak guna, hitam and entah apa2. Padahal budak tu xda buat salah pun kat orang tua tu. Ish! Kalau ikutkan hati aku, nak aja aku hempuk2! Aku punya respect kat dia dah lama hilang. Atau mungkin juga, she never earned my respect! Hibanyalah adik aku tu. Tapi, according to my uncles and aunts, maktok aku tu memang ade problem dengan budak2. She is weird. She's been like that since she was young.

Pendengarannya dah mula hilang, penglihatan dah kabur, lidah sentiasa nak makanan masin, tawar katanya. Itu semua perkara biasa yang perlu bersabar bila jaga orang tua. Tapi, bila tang mulut macam tu, dengan dok mengungkit hal2 lama, salah silap anak2 dia yang lama2 beratus2 kali depan orang lain... kan tak elok. Anak2 dia tu kan Uncle n aunty aku gak. Ish...

Hah! Ni luahan perasaan aku buat masa ni. Well, at least, these are the things I want to complain at the moment. Will update later... no promise yeah..

Update! Update! Pronto kah???

I hereby declare myself as one of the worst bloggers in the universe. Fuuuh! Abandoning my blog as long as I could. Taking my sweet time updating this blog. Time passes by... People come and go... And it's almost new year. 2010.. is just around the corner. Christmas fell on the day when my whole neighbourhood went blackout for the whole day. Indeed, no current for almost 4 days! Crazy I tell you! And the most important thing is, I am now, back in Malaysia. And with only a month of holidays, I gotta go back to IPBA for my final year. *sigh*

My flight from Auckland touched down at around 8.30pm on the 3rd Dec. Ever since then, I only had 2 chances to went online. Now, I am so happy that I finally have a broadband. No more problem to keep myself update.

That bf of mine... hmm as usual. The same old matter. The same old style. Tired! Urgh! Im waiting.. Im waiting... Im waiting...

My Mental & Dream Powers

Believe it or not... I studied while I was sleeping, in my dreams. Yes, I swear it's true.

Back in my high school, one incident that is still clear in my head now was during my preparation for SPM, 2 weeks before the first paper; Additional Mathematics. I always failed My Add Math paper for the whole 2 years, form 4 and 5. I didnt want to smudge my SPM result's slip with an "F" for Add Math. Thus, I spent the remaining 2 weeks (lambat betul dapat kesedaran nak study *sigh*) before Add Math paper, luckily Add Math was the first paper that year. I spent the 2 weeks doing at least... AT LEAST... 200 Add Math questions per day! Crazy, eh? Hahaha... I even practiced doing some of the Mathematical problems while I was sleeping. Sometimes I realised when it happened. You know when sometimes you were dreaming and in that dream, you actually realised that it's all a dream? That's what I meant. Sometimes I realised I was studying, doing Mathematics exercise, applying those Mathematical formula in my dream. But, sometimes, I only realised it when I woke up the next morning, reflecting what I dreamt about the night before. Honestly, what I dreamt wasnt merely a dream or random Mathematical stuff. I really felt tired the next morning. Mentally exhausted. In a way, it is good to be able to study even when your eyes closed. You could save some extra times especially when you're running out of time. On the other hand, you wont get enough rest.

Yesterday, I have been studying all day (of course with a list of off-tasking acts every now and then). I was studying for my EDUC 348 paper that is scheduled in exactly 1 week from now. Before I slept last night, I went through all the schemas in my head. Then, I realised, I missed to memorise one point in my note. So, I spent about 5 minutes memorising and understanding that particular point. Finished studying, I called Zainul, then, slept. In my sleep, I was dreaming... and this time I was aware that I was doing it again in my dream. Since I realised that my brain was ready for another studying-dream session, I forced my brain to revise all the points I have memorised since 2 days ago. That was awesome!!! Hahaha. Save my time to revise what I read and studied. Should do that more often.

To control your mind set...

When I was in high school, I loved attending those motivational camps. Coz I found those camps managed to boost my self-esteem and intrinsic motivation. Honestly! I learned a lot from those camps.

• I learned that you learned best with naps in between every one hour or maybe every half-an-hour for certain people with shorter attention span. Nap= not more than 5 minutes sleep NOT those 1 or 2 hours of sleep! We practiced to set our mind to get into a deep nap, and wake up exactly 5 minutes after that. It worked and still works, man! It's all about your mental power. All we had to do was talk to your mind, inside your mind, saying "I will wake up in 5 minutes time" for several times in your head. You could do this mind setting to wake up early in the morning by saying a prayer to Allah, "Ya Allah, bangunkan lah aku, hidupkan lah aku pada pukul 4 pagi esok untuk beribadah kepadaMu, di jalan Mu. Amin." Honestly, I learned this in one of those motivational camps.

• Another practice to set your mind is... take a bucket and put it somewhere on the floor, sit quite a distance from the basket, crumple a paper, look and FOCUS (this is important) at the middle, inner circle of the basket, and throw the crumpled paper into the basket. I did the same technique when playing darts, targeting on the bulls eye. It works!
  

• Kad Matlamat: Maybe some of you heard about this before. Make a small, practical, easy-to-access, and viewable to your sights. Write your name, the date when you want the goal to be achieved, and the goal itself, of course. Below are 2 examples of the contents of my 2 kad matlamats heh..

Contoh 1

Name: Nur Izzati Hassan
Date: (tarikh result PMR keluar, tak ingat daa)

Alhamdulillah, saya telah berjaya lulus dengan cemerlang dalam PMR dengan mendapat 8A.

B.Melayu A
B. Inggeris A
Matematik A
.....
...

(your signature here)

Contoh 2

(This example is a sample of a list of my future missions written when I was 11 years old. There were a few fill-in-the-blanks sentences I need to fill in the paper. One mission that I still remember is as below...)

Nama saya ialah ...........(my name lah duh~)...........
Sekarang saya berumur .....(time tu 11 tahun)..........
Dalam masa 10 tahun dari sekarang, saya sedang.....(aku tulis: melanjutkan pelajaran di salah sebuah universiti terkemuka di luar negara)....

[In the real missions paper, there are more sentences that I had to fill in. Alhamdulillah, Tuhan makbulkan. I cried while reading the missions paper when I found it last year, when I came home during summer break while cleaning my book shelves.... It's been exactly 10 years after the mission was written.]

• If any of you watched the first or the second season of "Survivor", the winner said that when she registered her name for the game, before she received a phone call saying that her name was chosen to be the next survivor competitor, she made the same "kad matlamat" as the one I mentioned above. She pasted the card on her pc screen monitor since that was where she spent her time most. The card said, "I will be chosen to compete in the next Survivor, and won the Survivor $1 million.". And true enough, it worked for her.
  

• Okay... that's all I can share about mind setting. There are myriads of ways to set your mind tho.. Hope these methods help.
  

Wish me luck for my final, folks... For my lil bro, Izzat, good luck for your SPM, I have faith in you and miss you so much. And for all my frenz sitting for their final now or soon, Good Luck, yo!

Even a Volcano has Its Limits

I am so angry, dissappointed, feel like throwing everything to the wall. But the thing is, I dont know how to put my feelings into words. I am a one-off person. Easily get mad, easily pissed off, easily flattered, but all those only happen for a short while. If I were given a pen and paper at the point of time when all those feelings occurred, I would guarantee I could write a good masterpiece of a blog entry.

Been holding back my tears for few days, weeks now. I know crying would at least ease this burden inside my heart. Finally, this morning, thanks to Pkah who randomly came across a sad love-story blog which put both of us in tears after reading the blog. I finally managed to force those tears running. I felt much better after crying. I was about to do something stupid because of the anger I have been holding back. Luckily, I got back to my feet after I calmed down.

But still, I wanna throw a tantrum. I want him to know that he has a share in "this". I am not alone. Aaaaa!!! Marahnye!!! Feel like screaming to the top of my lung. Tak faham, tak faham, tak faham!!!!!!

Dire Need of Attention on Dear Self

Been ignoring the alarming call for attention from my body, inside out.

My skin is getting more and more dry each day with the uncertain weather. Say Bye Bye to my moist, soft skin. It is too dry to an extent that I dont even dare looking at my legs and feet. I am too lazy to put on lotion everyday. I do put it on once a while but I guess that is not enough here. The weather is too dry for my Asian skin type.

Pimples, black and white heads break out. Very noticeable open pores, clogged pores. You name it. Urgh! Either I was too busy that I missed my weekly mask-day, or I was just too lazy and prefer to spend my spare time lying on bed rather than beautifying my skin. But, one good thing being in a dry country like NZ is that I dont have to worry about oily skin, the sweat underneath my make up, or open pores and melting make up that clog my pores. That is a super plus point, yeah! I love putting on make up here. I can walk, climb every hill around town all day long without worrying about my foundation or powder melting down. The most will be my lip balm dried out or the smudge on my eyes caused by my eye liner or eyeshadow.

Hair! Aaaarrgh!!! Totally ignoring my damaged hair. Very dry! I usually went to the hair saloon to get hair treatment at least twice a year, back in Malaysia. But, tho I was back in Malaysia last year, I just didnt have the time to treat my hair. So, up till now, it has been consecutively 2 years my hair without treatment. And being in a dry country is just making it worst. Very dry! *super sigh* I had to ask Intan to cut my waist-length hair few months ago just to control the damage at the edge of the hair. Gonna crash any saloon I could find once I reach Malaysia.

Those are just some major problems I am having currently. The list goes on and on. Would appreciate a mother-daughter bonding session with Ibu doing facial or spa together. Miss Ibu sooooo very much!

KeCeWa...

Sangat kecewa...

SaYanG...

Sangat sayang...

Tapi kecewa, tapi sayang juga.

Kecewa dengan dia.

Sayang sama dia.

Sayang, sayang, ayang, yang.... Sayang ke?

Betul ke sayang? Sayang ke kat dia???

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