Melihat Dunia dari Sudut Berbeza IV

Saturday, 22.11.08
Evening

Lepas blk tour, kaki aku abis ber blister. perit giler. at 1st i thought i wana dine in d luxurious restaurant in front of d hotel but then i decided to call d room service n asked em to deliver my dinner. d dessert was so nyummy n cute hehe.

that nite i went to d spa saloon in level 7 n got myself a balinese body massage n scrub package. best giler massage n body scrub tu. so that was d best that i d ever tried. impressive!

Sunday, 23.11.08

Jakarta-Morning

My last day in Jakarta which also means my last day of being pampered as a princess and MALAYSIA… here I come!!!!
Called d front desk and asked for a late check out coz my flight was at 7pm and I could only check in at 5pm. I checked out at 1pm and waited at d lobby for my driver to pick me up at 2pm. D pak cik was so nice n jujur n bcoz of tht I tip him 50 000 rp. He sent me straight to d departure gate n searched for my luggage trolley b4 allowing me to get out of d car. Pak cik yg sgt jujur dan baik unlike d driver that I got during my arrival…

7pm (still Jakarta time)
I m already on board waiting for d flight to take off.. Finally I m heading for msia for good n gona meet my family… rindu em all soo much. Tis time I m travelling in a very small air plane-Airasia. Of course it’s not d same as riding on a big bird. Huhu..

I got a place next to d window coz I asked for it since I bought d xpress boarding ticket. N as d plane flew above JB, I almost cried coz I felt touched by d fact that I was almost home n I was finally back in Msia. Tak tahu camne nk explain d feeling. Haha… interesting…

This was how I look when I arrived at d Senai Airport. Hahaha… Ibu tak terkata ape sbb anak die yg sorg ni mmg dingdong sikit haha.

Now I am stuck at home, jadi driver haha. And d worst part of courselah ketiadaan internet! Haih terpaksalh adapt. So mmg lah ssh. Nk enrol for next year paper pn problem huhu masael sungguh nih. Ibu takde kat rmh n ink keluar with my adik2 gi movie ke mkn2 jln2 shopping2 men bowling ke.. ok that’s all for now.

Take care people. Nak jumpe ke chill out, buzz2 lah aku. K ciao… He kona mai! Goodbye!

Melihat Dunia dari Sudut Berbeza III...

Saturday, 22.11.08

8am breakfst. then waited at d lobby for d tour package thingy. 8.30 as appointed, they arrived n brought me to d meetng point wer d other tourists would gather. for d package tht i chose, hany 4 org includng me. i was d only girld in tht group. nasib baik d tour guide was a girl namany ferah. Ferah ni rjn membebel org ny tp peramah dan baik juge. first, menuju ke MONAS d national monument. too many ppl q-ing to go to d top so we just took pics in d museum. followed by a visit to d batik shop wer i bought smthng 4 ibu n abah. i bought 1 set of kebaya yg blm d jahit 4 myself. cntik giler. then to taman mini indonesia indah to look at d dif houses of each province. d architecture n designs were so outstanding. later to d national museum. aku impressed giler wth d artistic and cultural features being inculcated in their lives n n architecture.

sgt suke n glad tht i took tht package sbb dpt new frens. aku juga terharu melihat kesungguhan kebykn mereka yg mencari rezeki d tgh kesesakn lalu lintas dan keterikan mentari. tanpa mengenal erti putus asa wpun tidak diendahkn sm skali oleh org2 sekeliling. mcm2 yg dijual ada keropok lah dn ygg plg kelakar skali bl ada org jual feather duster di tgh2 jln. kagum dgn kesungguhan dorg. tp mngkn ada org yg susah kat luar sn dan inginkn kesenangn dgn cr yg mudah spt mencuri n pickpocket. alhamdullillah so far aku tak face wth these ppl lg. n i cant help myself gvng tips to my tour guide n shud i call a fren now, my bell boy, d 1 who delivered my dinner, n my rum keeper. there is a satisfaction by givng those tips myb coz i was once in their shoes. so i knw hw hard d job is.

ok til here... nk prepare to go to airport. mau pulang ke msia ku terchenta. so dnt forget to welcome me home ait... haha daa~~~

Melihat Dunia dari Sudut Berbeza II...

Friday, 21.11.08

Hari ni lepak2 aja. malas nk berjln ke mn2. keluar jln2 di sekitar jln kemang ni aje. pergi ke mcd d hjg jln sn, ke kedai buku seberang jln, dan kemang duty free hny melihat2. n i bought 1 book 4m d book store entitled "The time traveller's wife". mmg buku ni Dzeti ada, tp mmngdgkn aku xjmp bk yg lg menarik, aku pn bl lah atas dasar kebosanan yg melampau.

Jakarta, ibu kotanya macet selalu. haha aku bljr vocab br. macet itu artinya sesak ye kengkawan.. pening. klu di jln2 besar, aku rasa tak jauh bezanya dgn Kuala Lumpur. sama aja sesak dan jerebunya. tp sejurus keluar dari jln besar, jln2 nye amat sempit skali huh.. wpun di area kemang ni kononny dikatakn area yg bagus skali kerna byk attractions n hotel tpt aku menginap yg 4 stars ni pun terletak di area kemang ni. contoh terbaik ialah jln dpn hotel aku. jln tu dkatakn jln besar krn d penghujung jlnny ada traffic light. tp, sempitnye Masyallah... n yg plg teruk xde lngsng sideways yg proper for peds. sideways nye kejap ada kejap hilang cm biskut lak. tkt jugak lah nk kuar suke2 hati org2 nye bkn org senang. wpun d bwh terik mentari, msh terpaksa berjemur demi sesuap ns.. sedeh jugak bl tgk keadaan dorg. mungkin atas sbb kawasan kemang ni yg didiami oleh bermacam ragam org tu lah hotel aku ni pny security sgt ketat.

trn bwh breakfst kul 9am pastu naik ats semula sbb smlm ibu kata dlm kul 10 adk2 aku 2ekor tu mau nelipon gue. haha... skype dgn dorg pny lah lm. lps skype br aku kuar . n yeah 1 more, aku book 1 package utk berjln2 sekitar jakarta esok. that's it.

Melihat Dunia dari Sudut Berbeza...

Wednesday, 19 Nov 08


8.30am (Auckland time)
went to airport, check in cargo luggage. luckily it was only 19.4kg. hand luggage was 6.7kg. also lucky.. ngam2 je..


11.20am
boarding... got a nice place next to d window. my seat was 50K. d guy next to me was HOT! lol...


12.05pm
Kapal terbang ku berlepas menuju ke Brisbane... transit for 2 hours. bengang juge kerna ngak tahu menahu psl transit d brisbane ni till d time nk berlepas.


about 5pm (Brunei time)
Arrived at Brunei airport. Waited for our luggage like ages. Then, being told that our luggage were sent to Jakarta straight away because we r in transit. I ended up with my hand luggage n laptop bag. No clothes n toiletries.


Picked up by d hotel shuttle. Since our transit was more than 8 hours, they provided us with free hotel. Stayed there overnight. Giler best n mewah. this was my rum in Brunei.

not to forget the delicious nyummy free meals.. buffet mestilah mkn byk2.. bkn senang nk dpt free fud yg sdp kat hotel mahal..lalala~

Thursday, 20 Nov 08

7.30am(Brunei time)
trn mkn breakfast dgn nisah kat cafe hotel. mmg muntah kedarah mkn... bukan mkn lagi nmny.. melahap, menelan, mencekik..haha. then naik atas ambil bag n waited for d shuttle to bring us back to d airport to continue our journey to Jakarta. took sm pics at d lobby wit nisah. but i only hv a pic of nisah n d lobby wit me rite nw. my pic is in nisah's cam.

Around 11am

bersyukur sbb everythng goes fine at d custom. waiting inside for our plane. bought a few souvenirs. d shop accepted foreign currency. So we did not have to change our money. I just paid using credit card n NZD. oh, n i thought tht Jakarta uses d same plug as msia n brunei. that was y i bought an adaptor in brunei in case i couldnt find any in jakarta airport. while waiting, we met fellow auckies msian at d airport. they were on their way back to msia and transit for 2 hours in brunei.

11.50am

berlepas lagi dan kali ni straight to jakarta. no more transit2. penat dh transit2 nih. now, i finally get to worried about travelling alone in jakarta.

1.10pm (Jakarta time)

landed safely at d airport. alhamdulillah skali lg sgt lega to get through d imigresen. n i hv to say, their airport was sooo like a duplicate of puduraya... soo many ppl offerring their taxi service, even d foreign exchange counters were like pudu's bus ticket counters. i teman nisah look for naim n ajiSSS. Nisah said they shud b waiting for her at d arrival gate. but naah, nope, nein we look all over d place n there was no sign of em. n suddenly we arrive at god knows wer.. n there they were hahaha... they waited at d wrong arrival gate rupenye. then they teman me pulak to get a cab. honestly, i hv prob with IDR cos their money was like soo big i mean d digit. ribu2 lah pening pale aku. nk convert pn ssh. so i ended up getting a cab which was NOT a cab at all. It was a big, black, new, shiny Mpv. n also cost me like 250 000 rupee. after converting it to NZD i realised tht it cost me about 40 NZD. DUH~ but then i think d price was ok. cos rupe2nye.. hotel yg kononny kata sgt lh dekat 4m airport ms aku book tu sgtlh jauh n lama. jakarta's traffic was no dif then kl's. jam memanjang. pening2.. dh lh panas dpt bapak taksi yg peramah amat. sakit pala gue... ngak mau berhenti mulutnya... mau di suruh diam nnt rude pulak. layan ajelaa... d best part was... he seriously wanted me to charter him everydy for 400000 per day to go anywer. konon2 bilang aja mau ke mana bapak bisa tunjukin tempatny... nak mampos?? aku bkn anak raja doh. klu setakat pergi jln2 sehari suntuk for 400000 n not inclusive of d entrance to all d attractions baik tak yah. dahtu duit tol sah2 lah aku kene byr. nk g hotel tu pun aku kene bbyr tol. dh lah balance amik trs. tp mmg aku niat nk sedekah je duit lbh tu kat die. tp klu die pulang leklok kn lg baik. ni senyap2 trs simpan. hmm mngkn thts hw it works here. its ok no big deal. yg pntg gue udah slmt smpi d grand Flora Hotel yg jauh nk mampos d tgh2 bandar.

so impressed wth d service of this hotel. siap ada security kat entrace. bag aku pn kene screening. ingt aku nk bwk ape??? aku pn tkt nk pndg muke die garang sgt. aku senyum pun die tak senyum blk. sioot je!! wek!!! tp mmg patut pn ada security yg baik coz d area was soo padat n d people some look very kind n sm sgt mencurigakn. but the segurity guards around this area were so helpful. n remember??? i used to work in a hotel b4. of course i didnt 4get hw it felt doing their jobs in d hotel. so i gv d bellboy 2USD s his tips. actly, wer did i get those us dollar?? those were my tips at Copthorne b4. n now i gv sm to them. just bcos i used to had d excitement of getting tips. though it was just a dollar. thts better thn nothing. i want him to hv tht same feeling. after checking in, it was about 4pm jakarta time. i was so tired just want to rest in d room.

finally i can go online n call my mum. i knw they worried cos wen i managed to charge my hp, i received 2 notifications of missed calls 4m both my parents. n unfortunately, d plug wasnt d same s brunei n msia. so i had to call d house keeping department askng for an interntionl adaptor to chrge my hp n laptop. yeah n d internet, was 24hours free. so thts wat i hv been doin in my rum. interneting... new vocab, ppl... haha. dah mlm2 lapar giler hny ada muffin yg dpt dlm flight je. soo aku pn bedal lah magi mini bar. tu pn aku convert siap2 br brni amik. skrg dh pndi convert dah hahhaa...

Lompat2 Ku Merempat

Hari ni aku check out dari apartment ku di Wellesley. Dgn penyerahan kunci bilik aku kat RA, maka rasmi lah aku sebagai seorg homeless buat 2 hari bermula hari ini.

Sepatutny kene berambus kul 10am. Tapi kami sume sepakat nak lengah2 kan masa sbb once kitorg dh kuar, kami mmg dh takde tpt len nk gi. For the time being, kami merempat di bilik Ain sbb Ain br pindah ke Mount Terrace. Wpun bilik Ain kecik, namun dgn baik hatiny die menerima aku n Nisah.. hehe tq ain.. muah2... lol...

Tp, satu je ler.. mmg ler takleh nk gerak sbb blk die agk kecik n brg2 sgt byk... dgn luggage kitorg lg.. soo... tak banyk yg blh di buat.. bak aku kata kat nisah...

"Aku pandang ko, ko pandang aku. Aku pandang dinding, dinding pandang aku..."

Mlm ni hajat di hati nk tgk Private practice n Ghost whisperer kat tv. tp mn nk cari tv... so kitorg cdg nk merempat ke rmh anep lak.. hahha.... tu lah gaya homeless students yg berjaya. Jadinya, mlm ni kami tdo kat lounge anep dgn sleeping bag kami.. mujur ada sleeping bag. byk berjasa ok sleeping bag tu... dan skrg ni... mn aku nk dpt tenet??? tu pasallah skrg ni tgh merempat kat ground zero uni. bersyukur lah uni ni ada tpt berteduh yg ada tenet free wakakakaa.... blh lg lah nk blogging ni....

aku mmg serabut, kusut masai, tak terurus, serabai, etc2 minggu ni. Pki bj yg sm 2 3 hari sbb brg2 n bj sume dh pack n simpan rmh org. haih mcm2 pengalmn dok overc ni......

-The End-

Putaran Minda Tiada Kufahami...

Ku pusing ke kanan
Ku pusing ke kiri
Ku dongak ke atas
Ku tunduk ke bawah
Ku pandang ke hadapan
Ku menoleh ke belakang

Kemudian,
Ku bangkit dari katil.
Lalu,
Ku lompat2 dan
Ku joget2 tanpa alunan muzik
Tiba2
Terus ku duduk mencangkung
dan senyap sepi beberapa ketika...

Ku muncung kan bibir sepanjang yg boleh...

Lantas terdetik di hati..

"Camni rupenye perasaan berada dlm blk yg tiada sentuhan jiwa, tiada barang2... sungguh bosan."

Rupa2nya... semua brg2 yg menyemakkn bilik dan yg ku rasakan sampah sarap dan pelaburan yg membazirkan duitku adalah inspirasi dan sumber ilhamku.... (-_-")

Menghitung Setiap detik yg Berlalu

Sedih la pulak bl tengok bilik aku dah kosong... dah xde touch aku lgsng. Feel like I m in some1 else's room. Gona have to sleep in an empty bed, with no pillow and beddings tonight...n tomrw. Counting d days b4 flying off... nervous jugak bile fikir nk travel sendiri ni. sooo scary.. hehe...

b4 this i said that i might gona hv to add about 1 or 2 boxes of stuff to be moved out. unfortunately.. d number increased beyond my expectation. Finally, after finished packing evrything.. s in EVRYTHING, the total of packed stuff r...

1 big box of appliances
1 box of my booksss
1 box of books from Eva
2/3 boxes of clothes
1 box of shoess
1 box of beddings
1 laundary basket filled with stuff
1 box of fan-present
1 ampaian
1 picnic basket full of novels and magz
1 guitar...

duh~ which crazy woman is goin to buy soo many stuff when only staying abroad for only like 2 years??? -ME!!!! !#$%^&*!!

thats not d climax of d story.. We (oh..forgot, me n nisah) moved our stuff into Zira's house. Soo envy her house... damn pretty but, have to climb 4/5 floors cos no lift..lol. CLIMB! yup we climbed up the stairs with ALL those boxes and stuff... giler menggigil pale lutut gue! seriously, my knees were shaking for like hours... but then really greatful coz I gotto keep my stuff there for free. If not, I ll definitely have to send my stuff into storage and pay like seriously a lot for 3 months... so thats really great.

This afternoon, i went down Queen St to look for this mak cik punye music box.. haih kenapalh kwn2 aku suke mntk mende2 pelik n merepek.. she wanted a so called "spesel" music box.. duh~ it's nearly Christmas. When I asked or search for "spesel" music box, all i got were Christmas music boxes-with Santa or if not with all d dwarfs... aku belikan br tau.. nk sgt yg spesel! haha... But then, I decided to checked out my favourite gift stall... n I decided to buy this...

It's a perfume bottle. I couldnt afford to fill the bottle full so I asked d girl to fill d bottle half. I think it's special enough coz it's very unique n difficult to find such design anymore. Ada tempat picit2 lagi gitew.. ala2 Victorian age..haha... I also bought a vest for me. I ve been wishing for a vest that fit me but never found 1. but then, while I was strolling around "Postie", suddenly I saw two vests of my size. i grabbed both n tried em on. I like both. 1 is very elegant n another 1 is very cool n more informal. but i decided to choose d elegant 1. $39.99... there goes my money..lalalala~ it's ok.. it worths d price... really satisfied.

went home n showed off to my frens d perfume bottle n then... eh... awat harum semerbak... melekit2 botol ni...???? then i started cursing.. shiiit... tumpah!!! siallah!! both me n d salesgirl were sooo idiotic... mmg ler tumpah.. dh mende tu picit2.. when we close d box, it'd compress d pemicit n there goes d perfume.. so bijak... i dont care i m goin to d shop back tis monday n ask for sth to prevent d perfume from coming out. must b a way.. n hopefully she would add some more perfume. wana try to blame her for her carelessness....lol!!!

Quotations of Life

The sky is getting dark and by a glance at the trees outside, it might be very windy at the moment. It might rain tonight coz it'd been a very hot and bright day. I ll be stuck here in common if it rained.

I finally watched "Forest Gump"! Yay! Thanks to Nisah who introduced me to this guy who really deserved my respect... Finally, I managed to force myself into watching this movie.. n should I say... it was superb, man! I really cried, laughed and touched by this guy with a weird name, Forest Gump. He wasnt perfect, not a perfect guy that anyone could simply agree to marry with, but he had the purest and most innocent heart. He loved to quote nearly every single thing his mama said to him. And here I wana quote those quotes to you.

Saja suke2 letak gbr ni.. diambil on d way to Queenstown rasenye... dr dlm kete hmm...

Dear Atie,

"Life is a box of chocolate. You never know what you're
gonna get."

It's true. Life is full of surprises... Always expect the unexpected. Coz you never know what await you in the future.

"We make our own destiny. We have to do the best with what God gave us."

I am a person who complains a lot... Always forgot that there are people sufferring out there.



I might hate what I got.. But, what I like might not be d best for me n what i hate might be for my own betterment. I got to learn to appreciate and be grateful with everything that i owned.

"You got to put the past behind you before you can move on."

I'd been sucked into my past which made me difficult to start a new beginning of this journey. 'Let bygones be bygones'. Maybe that's why I found it really hard to forgive and forget....


Lastly, I really take his mother's words personally...


I always asked "What's my destiny?". Dont lie.. coz I know you might have been asking d same question too.

"You're gonna have to figure that out for yourself..."

And with the last quotation from "Forest Gump"... I leave this poem by Robert Frost for me and you to ponder upon...

The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Hari yg panas memanaskn lagi Hati aku

Aku bengang... tak tahu exactly who to be blamed...

Ku email hotel yg bakal aku duduk kat Jakarta dh msuk berapa kali tp x berbalas juge..

Ku email Airasia yg sengal tu pun x berbalas.

Ku mahu change flight bookings dgn Airasia pun x berjaya..

Ku mahu add 1 more checked luggage dgn Airasia pun tak lepas...

Nex Wednesday dh nk fly off... skrg ni kepala ku berserabut dan sgt rimas sbb byk sgt persoalan tak terjawab. Aku ngamuk ni ada aku call sembur sume org ni kang... tak pun suh abah sembur... haha men sembur menyembur mmg menarik. Dah lh nk kene wat international call dr NZ ni... byk lah lak credit aku haih pening2...

Mungkin hr yg panas serba serbi menambahkn kepanasan hati yg sdg menggelegak dari bbrp hari lepas.

Begini rupenye bumi Oklen bl dihujani sinar mentari...

"Someone has told me that grass is much greener on the other side..."

(Cartoon kat TV)

Well the grass sure is greener here but, nothing is perfect in this world.

Bila tamat exam...

lepas je abis EDUC225 semlm, aku mmg rs cam nk jerit sepuas2 hati aku kt dlm hall tu... mujurlh blh control lg.. hehe aku pdg hijrah kt dpn aku pon dah dok menyengih smpi ke telinga tgk aku hahahah... happy giler weh dh abis sem ni... yg pentng skali tamatnya exam bermaksud masa utk bersuka ria, dan masa utk packing brg... yabedabedoooo!!! aku nk blk mesia!!!! hahaha gaya cam dh 5, 6 thn dok cni.. tu tak tgk brg2 aku lg.. klu tgk brg2 mst org ingt aku dh menetap kt NZ ni 10 thn.. giler nk mampos byk... nyesal lak jd shopaholic ni.. aku pun tak phm ape aku pk ms dok shopping sakan tuu.. perfume smpi 4, 5 botol.. tu pun nk bg org satu botol.. hehe... aku blk mesia nnt.. sape dpt hadiah perfume dr aku tu phm2 je ler... tp dlm byk2 perfume tu ada 3 perfume yg aku xkn bg sape2...

1. DKNY Be Delicious - sbb aku dh lama impikn perfume tu dr awal2 die kuar.. ms tu sedey sgt.. x mampu nk beli, hny mampu hidu org pki...
2. VERSACE Crystal Clear - sbb bau nye sgt elegant, berwarna pink, n aku suke giler bau die... bau die ada ala2 perfume lama aku CLINIQUE Happy in Bloom.
3. JLO sth2 - sbb tu hadiah dr my best fren from OZ... mak cik Kelsey syg.. sgt syg nk pki... only used it in certain occasions...

Aku rs aku dh kemas about 50 - 60 % of my stuff... tp sgt pening skrg sbb kemas cmne pon xblh nk get rid of em.. kene humban sume kotak2 dlm blk aku gak. so far i have 2 full-backpacks of clothes, 1 box of books, 1 big box of electrical appliances, 1 box of shoes, n 1 picnic basket of novels. n thats not it, i might hv to ad another 2 more boxes for beddings, n more clothes. oh n 1 laptop bag , n 1 big luggage tht i ll bring home. hmm c... 10 yrs in Auckland.. hahha shit laaa... byk gale!!

i made a list of friends n family members n d list of souvenirs tht i wana buy for every1... n OMG!!!! damn i m sooo gona broke, man! its like a never ending list... thats 1 prob wen u r very close to every1.. huhu... i felt like a santa clause making a christmast list... giler pjg list aku... sp yg aku tak rpt mintak maaf lah byk2... mmg aku terpksa kuarkn dr list.. rmi sgt kot.. anak sedara, mak, bapak sedara.. sume2 lah.. nnt gather, klu ad yg x dpt.. nnt kecik hati ssh lak... hmm xpelah... nnt shopping souvenir pulak... huhuhu... x sbr nk blk.. yeeeehaaa!!!

Ups n Downs-walking this life backwards...

Again, if only i am good at expressing my inner soul, life would be very easy n straight forward.

"kalaulah mampu untuk aku lukis ruang kosong di hati ni, kalaulah mampu untuk
aku kongsi dan coretkan omong2 kosong yg berlegar di hati, mungkin aku tak perlu
menelan setiap rasa yg hadir..."

But then, things r not s simple s they seemed to be... sometimes, it might worth walking backwards... these few days... i ve been so upset, miserable, stress, depress, etc... why??? huh, good question! if only I know why... Well, somewhere deep inside me seemed to know the reason of my doom feelings, its just... its not easy to express certain things... I ve been trying to talk about that matter to people close to me... but, it was too difficult n they dont really understand the situation. even if they did understand the matter, they just couldnt help me out of this sickening misery. i tried to reach out to hands that i thought might grasp my hands tight, but the fingers just kept on slipping out of their hands... i tried to compose a song to sing out my sorrows, but i kept singing the wrong tunes, playing the wrong notes... i tried to wipe out the tears... but, no! I ain't crying... i did try to write out the story of my life, but i am no writer. then, i tried to tell the fairy tales of this little chamber inside me, but the story remain untold... and before i knew, my hands reached out for my sketch book, and within few minutes, this is what appeared to be the summary of my thoughts...

Yup, I felt sad, useless, hopeless, lonely, angry, and uncertain... its a mixture of myriads of unpleasant feelings that broke my heart into pieces...

Now let me interpret the sketch for you, in case u cant c d relation of my feelings! d volcano indicates my anger which also related to my patience that has come to its limit. d tree standing there alone in a middle of no where portrays my loneliness. Friends are important in my life, but they come n go, we cant share everything with everyone at anytime... this is my life. i have to stand by my own feet, cope with my own life... n thereby, standing up for myself.. alone. d eyes n d rain... duh~ isnt it obvious that i was feeling sad that i could cry a pool of tears?? what else?? oh yeah.. the tree n the d flower at d right corner of the pic indicate that it is autumn.. nearly winter... it is useless to keep those leaves on their branches... hopeless... the tree has no control of its own life, its leaves, the flower cant hold its petals from falling... this is life.. we have to cope with life, surroundings and situations. i am powerless of what's coming... i do see its coming, but the least that i could do is to wait and watch evrything passes by... lastly is d wind... it shows my uncertainty of what will happen in the future, how i would react, what should be done... n d list goes on...

i know that those brief discriptions are merely the surface meaning of my sketch and thus, do not imply the deep underlying meaning of the real reasons for all those feelings inside me.. but i just dont know how to portray all those feelings. they are too personal to be shared. I cant even share them with my own self. what else with others...

bukankah warna2 itu penyeri??? *wink2*

susah jugak kadang2 jadik manusia ni... kite perlu melalui selok belok kehidupan yg penuh dgn pancaroba dan emosi yg melanda... aku sendiri dah lalui macam2 rona kehidupan. pahit maung, suka duka, dan pacaragam dunia yg kadang2 membuatkn aku rasa rimas dan tak berdaya.. ada masa tu, rasa seakan2 diri dah tewas dan tak mampu nk berdiri semula lepas mengharungi dugaan yg menimpa. tapi aku bersyukur, sebab aku ditemukan dan ditakdirkn hidup di kelilingi oleh insan2 yg kuat semangat dan sangat supportive.

dari masalah keluarga, kawan2, perasaan, pergolakan diri yg tak henti2 menguji kesabaran, membuatkn aku semakin dewasa dan membimbing aku menjadi aku. tipu daya manusia, mainan perasaan, angan2 yg tak kesampaian, semua adalah teman. teman datang dan pergi. begitulah hidup ini. semua yg hadir akan pergi, dan hanya menemani diri buat sementara waktu.

kawan... rakan.. sahabat dan teman... sedih bile memikirkan yg kite diciptakan utk bertemu dan berpisah di atas ketetapan Illahi. pertemuan hanyalah suatu detik yg singkat. sesingkat degupan jantung, hembusan angin yg bertiup, kerdipan anak mata, yg tak mampu di hentikan mahupun diulang kembali. sedih bila mengenangkn, hari ni kite bertemu, esok kite berkasih sayang dan mesra, dan lusa kite berpisah tanpa mengetahui penghujung cerita. apa mungkin kite akan bertemu kembali dan bersama2 menyambung mengukir lakaran putaran cerita pahit manis kite bersama suatu ketika dahulu...?

buat warna2 yg pernah hadir mewarnai lukisan2 hidupku walau cuma sedetik, aku ucapkan ribuan terima kasih yg x terhingga kerana kehadiran kalian telah melengkapkan lukisan2 ku. walaupun hitam, kelabu atau betapa gelap sekalipun warnamu, kau tetap penyeri dan pelengkap lakaran lukisan2 ku. buat warna2 yg bakal hadir dlm hidupku, ku alu2kan kehadiran kalian... cuma ku harap... jgnlah kau tambah lagi warna2 kegelapan dan kesuraman hidupku ini... izinkan jari jemari ini menari bebas melakar sendiri corak dan warna lukisan yg bakal ku lakarkan... mungkin ia takkan seindah selalu... tapi biarkan aku menjadi aku... dan biarkan warna2 itu menjadi penyeri hidupku... walaupun lukisan ku hanya bertemankan warna2 nan suram, biarpun berlatarkan hitam dan putih, ku sayangi dan hargai setiap cebis yg terhasil.

Kisah Helang, Pipit, Bulan dan Bintang

kalaulah bintang2 kat langit tu boleh dipetik, aku akan jadi orang pertama yg berusaha kumpul sume bintang2 tu dengan bulan skali aku amik simpan leklok dlm bilik aku... sebabnye.. skrg ni aku dh ada hobi baru... semenjak lampu tido aku meletop.... aku suke tido bermandikan cahaya bulan dan bintang... sebelum tido aku akn tarik blind aku smpi abis n tido bertemankn bintang2 dan bulan... ala2 puteri lindungan bulan gitu... aku akan tido mendongak ke langit... mujur kepala tak terkehel.. haha...

kalau lah ditakdirkn kite boleh dapat sume yang dihajati.. nescaya kering-kontanglah sungai2 dan lautan di muka bumi ni... togellah hutan2 yg menghijau kat dunia ni. tp, kalau skrg ni, aku diberikan satu peluang utk satu hajat aku ditunaikan.. satu yg aku hajati ialah KAU...

Memang sekarang ni aku ada kau... kau sentiasa available bile aku ada masalah... tapi, sayang.. hati kau x pernah available utk hati aku yg berwarna pink ni... mungkin pink bukan warna favourite kau... tapi aku yakin, pink tu penyeri. aku tahu, kau cemburu dengan apa yg terbentang depan mata aku... tapi aku sebenarnya lebih cemburu dengan apa yg mendampingi kau. sebab walaupun kau sentiasa available untuk aku, tapi aku tak pernah berpeluang berdamping dgn kau. memang aku kuat cemburu.. biar satu dunia tahu... kalaulah mampu untuk aku lukis ruang kosong di hati ni, kalaulah mampu untuk aku kongsi dan coretkan omong2 kosong yg berlegar di hati, mungkin aku tak perlu menelan setiap rasa yg hadir. kalau senang sangat nak bagitau satu dunia apa yg sebenarnya berlaku, apa yg sebenarny ada dlm kepala otak dan hati aku memanglh hidup ni mudah.

orang kata, xda ape yg mustahil dlm dunia selagi kite berusaha... tapi aku tak setuju. kalau betullah xda ape yg mustahil.. dah lama bilik aku ni penuh dgn bintang2 kat langit. dan korg mesti xkan berpeluang nk tengok bulan dan bintang... dr muzapha pun xperlu nak terbang ke angkasa, sebab angkasa dh lama kosong... tapi, ada je benda yg mustahil sebenarny dlm dunia ni. kite ni hanyalh insan kerdil. dan aku sedar, kalaupun kau kata aku lagi hebat dari kau.. tapi pada aku, aku ni hanyalah pipit yg x setanding langsung dgn kau. pipit x mampu nk terbang sama tinggi dgn helang. tak kire walau brp kali aku berusaha, aku akn sentiasa perlu mendongak ke langit utk pandang kau.

aku harap satu hari nanti, kau akan sedar yang pink tu mampu mnjadi penyeri dan pink tu suatu yg sangaaaat manis... tapi, mungkin pada hari kau sedar hakikat tu, hati aku dah tak available utk kau.. mungkin jugak pada hari tu, wpun hati pink aku ni msh available, tp mungkin availability tu x compatible dgn kau. dan kalau pun hari tu memang akan hadir, aku tak rasa pipit blh berubah jadi helang. dan takkn mungkn blh terbang seiring dgn helang. dan mungkin atas sebab itu, kau pilih agar kite terus begini... kau akan sekali sekala terbang rendah seiring dgn aku. tp helang, xkan mampu bertahan terbang rendah selama2 nya... jadi mungkin takdir kite mmg begini... unless.. kau berubah menjadi pipit atau aku yg jd helang hehe... maka, aku rasa lebih baik kite terbang jauh jauuuuhhhh.... bile rindu, baru kite jumpa...

sekian...

kisah helang, pipit, bulan dan bintang....

p/s-setiap malam jgn lupe kire bintang kat langit..

kalau berkurang maksudnya aku dh curi sikit dan bg kat org2 yg aku syg dn hargai..seperti keluarga, leen, kelsey, noly dan nisah.

kalau bertambah.. maksudnya, aku dh bebaskan sikit buat sedekah utk org len kongsi kebahagiaan hidup ni...

trimas.

Cinta

Cinta....

Cinta... mengapa perlu terbitnya rasa cinta di hati ini? Adakah hadirnya hanya sekadar mengukir perit dan luka? Tidak... Cinta itu suatu yang indah anugerah daripada Nya. Namun, mengapa indah yang ku cari pada cinta, seakan tak terlukis di hati? Semakin cuba ku mencari erti keindahan cinta ini, semakin pedih yang kurasakan... apakah cinta ini bukan yang tercipta untuk ku? Silapkah aku menerima cinta ini kembali setelah sekian lama hati ini ku kunci? Jadi, milik siapakah hatiku ini? Perlukah aku terus mencari? Atau, cukup sekadar di sini?

Cinta...
Aku akur, hadirnya ia suatu yang cukup indah dan bermakna...
Hanya indah buat insan yang mampu menyelami dan mengerti akan kewujudannya...
Bukan salah cinta, hati merana...
Namun salah diri yang terlalu alpa.

Cinta....
Ya, memang benar “hadirmu tidak diundang, pergimu tidak dipinta”,
Namun, cinta tidak mampu hadir sendiri...
Manisnya cinta perlu dicari...

Cinta...
Aku penat dengan cinta...
Hati ini terlalu rapuh...
Pernah dulu ia retak dan berkecai...
Kini, ia kembali berdiri...
Namun, bisakah ia bertahan lagi?

Cinta...
Begitu tinggi nilai cinta...
Kesabaran yang tinggi merupakan harga yang perlu ku bayar
demi secebis cinta....
Mampukah aku memupuk kesabaran yang kian punah?

Cinta...
Tuluskah ia menerjah ke ruang hati?
Atau sekadar mengubati luka dulu yang ditinggal terbiar?
Lamaran cinta, perlukah ku terima?

Andai cinta masih setia menanti, mungkin masih ada ruang di hati ini...
Penatku pada cinta, tak terlawan rinduku padanya...
Ku perlukan masa...hadapi diriku ini...
Yang masih tewas dengan penafian sendiri.

Ya Allah... moga cinta yang ku cari tidak membuatkan aku leka pada cinta Mu yang hakiki...
Moga cinta ini mampu membawa ku dekat pada cinta Mu, ya Rabbi....


Nukilan hati,
-Nur Izzati Hassan 2007-

School Visit to Newmarket Primary School

This semester, our cohort went out to 5 different schools around Auckland for our school visits. I would to share my thought about my observation and perception towards one of the schools that I visited. But, of course, whatever that is being observed or analysed cannot be generalised into all aspects of NZ and Malaysian education system. The fact of the learning process that occurs in this two different cultures and societies is beyond reach. My critiques and analysis might only indicate the very small area of the truth reality of education.

On the 18th September 08, I went for my 4th school visit. This time it was Newmarket Primary. It was the best primary school in the district managed by the best principle, as they said. . It was quite a small school compared to other schools that we have visited previously. Located at the centre of Newmarket, it was an urban school.

Knowing that we’ll be visiting primary schools sounded like a waste of time. But, having my experience in a NZ primary school totally changed my perception. NP was awesome. Though, it was just a small school, they had so many resources and the school was very students-friendly. They had playgrounds for the kids to play during playtime, classrooms that are well-organised and decorated with students’ arts/works. I was so impressed at their classrooms. There is nothing to be compared with Malaysian classrooms.

I went to three classes of different year levels. Most of their classes are of composite classes. That is to mean, the composite classes consist of students from different age group. For example, a class with 7 and 8 y.o, 8 and 9, and etc. This was caused by continuous enrolment of students throughout the year. However, I found the idea very brilliant as it allows the students of two age groups widen their horizons. I was so impressed with the answer that I received from an 8 years old girl from the first class that I visited as a respond to my question. I asked her, “What are you supposed to do right now?” He answered me in a very professional and intelligent way, “Oh, actually, we are supposed to do the reading activities. There are 3 activities and right now we have to complete the first task. The girl sitting with the teacher in front was being tested on her reading skill.” I was so impressed with the descriptive answer that I received.

My encounters of their thinking ability made me wonder about our education system. If I were to ask a Malaysian student of the same age group as the previous boy, would I be able to receive almost the same level of respond? Will their behaviours and responds portray such a thinking society? Others might oppose my opinions, but this was exactly what I saw and what I had analysed through my observations. Being in a Year 2 NZ classroom would not be the same as being in a Year 2 Malaysian classroom. I am not suggesting that we should blame the kids for not thinking critically or creatively or mastering the higher level thinking skills, here. They are totally innocent. I am about to question the efficiency and compatibility of our education system with the modern community that demands higher levels of thinking and consistently thinking.

Thinking without being able to express your thoughts is another useless point that I want to emphasise here. From my observations, I came out with a conclusion that what made Malaysian students and NZ students differ the most is the fact that NZ students generally are outspoken. Malaysian students on the other hand, found it very difficult to voice out opinions, ideas, critiques, or disagreements. Thus, that might be one of the reasons why Malaysian students do not see the importance of thinking out of the box.
“Nah, I don’t have to think about the answer to that question. The teacher already has her answer. Or at least, someone else might just answer it. Or even better, the teacher will answer the question herself. There is no point giving out my opinion if I am sure that my answer would not be accepted. I’ll just embarrass myself.”

This is a normal perception of a Malaysian student when the teacher posts a question. I know because I was one of those students. “Been there, done that.” Unlike the above situation, students in NP were very friendly and expressive. They voiced out what they feel and think. They asked when they were curious. They showed maturity in their answers. I really like the idea of allocating “play time” in their school schedule. Kids need to play to learn. They need hands-on activities to learn and develop their skills. They learn as much from their peers as from teachers. It is the socio-learning theory introduced by Vygotsky. They even provided with games in their classes. At first, I had some doubt as whether those games and toys are of help or hindrance to the learning process of the class. But, after being in their classes, I realised that the students are responsible of their own actions and they know when to play, what to play, and when to stop. They agree to the rules that they can only play if they finished their works early. They understand that they are only allowed to play games that suit the theme of their learning that day.

My definition of blog refers to a diary or life journal. I stopped writing one since years ago... dont know exaactly why. satu je masalah utama bile nak maintain blog is d stupidity of whoooooooooooooo... ooo.... ss...ssshhhhh internet connection yg sgt lah sengal! bile dtg ilham nk mencoret sth, time tu lah internet prob. Hari ni (aku pun xsure kenapa mesti hari ni out of soo many days) aku mulakn lembaran baru for me as a blogger... start back from scratch....

Sepatutny aku kene study compsci right now, but perut dh memekak mintak diisi, n asik off task dari td... tu yg tgn gatal nk buat new blog. compsci paper this 7th nov. exam fever is yet to be felt....

Felt like it was only yesterday i arrived here... n yet, another few more weeks i m goin home for summer break... part of me agak regret jugak with my decision to go back. of course, if i went back, i ll miss d experience of christmas here, miss d fun of summer break, miss d opprtunity to attend summer school.... n d list goes on... but my family sume dah berharap ati balik this year... i admit... wat i m goin to experience in msia during this summer can be experienced later when i go back after this course, but another constraint is financial matter... if i were to stay here during summer, i ll surely be spending like hell here... travelling here n there, eating out every so often, shopping like a crazy woman... n yadaa yadaa yadaa... besides, i just resigned, man! next year goin to aussie.. mana nk cari duit??!!! LoL! whatever, i should stop this consistent procrastination and off task behaviour.... nak makan. lapaaarrrr.... mcm mn lah nk kurus... kuangkuangkuang!

Sunday
13.07.08
09.48pm

waiting at the interislander port. just had quite a long n tiring journey by bus from Christchurch.
gonna reach Wellington at about 1am. huh...never thought that i is gonna sucks this way, man. should take earlier bus n ferry. yeah , btw, i m about to finish my road tour around south island. it was awesome i hv to admit. never had such experience in my whole life till this point of time. yeah, its true.." jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan, tambah pengetahuan...". i met different people of differetn attitude, styles n lifestyles. i learned how to survive and cope with people around me. i learned how to give n take, accept n admit others. i learned to be patient. that s the most important part of this journey. the rest of this journey will be shared later when i have better opportunity in my lovely room with my personal space n time alone with my thoughts n laptop.


my flight to Auckland is at 11.30am this coming Tuesday, 15.07.08. haha u said u prefer not to travel with me.. "ati, dont mention anything... if possible, i dont want to travel with you, ok.." (she who should not be mentioned, 2008). in d first place, i never thought of hating travelling with u, besides, it will only be for a few hours... but since u made tht statement, jus twana clarify sth tht if ur so called best fren didnt abandoned u every now n then, u might not be around us rite? u think i ll mind travelling alone? not at all... luckily u r not s drama queen s ur best fren. but soo sorry to call u a drama queen. its just u made us so confuse either u r just like her or mayb u r not. n it might be just my feeling. haha... its ok. its not something that i would love to share here. i prefer to let the story remain untold. let u experience it by yourself. well, i hate u. haha.. both of u... if u think travelling with me is the last thing for u to do on earth, too bad that u just did that the past 2 weeks.





well, i started my road tour the last 5th July 08 from Picton. travel by bus to Christchurch and had a half-hour break at Kaikoura. Very beautiful place to visit. from Christchurch, travel by car to Queenstown stopped at some places to take photos and breaks. Had my first ski experience there, n thousands of falls..haha...had some painful days aftermath..hahha... down to Invercargill, Dunedin-where All Blacks lost, then back to Christchurch. n now, here i am. In Picton waiting for my ferry to Welli. Cheers... need some break before departing to Welli.

Corpthorne Housekeepers....

Today is my first day working as a housekeeper at Corpthorne Hotel. I ve never worked as a clearner before, what else in a hotel. I am working there with another 3 of my friends. Since this is our first day, we starts at 8.30am. Thus, I had to wake up way earlier than usual...6.15am. According to our previous plan, we wanted to head for the buas at 7.15am. But, we changed the plan to 7.45am. Had some breads before heading to work. We were very lucky as we arrived at the bus stop exactly when the bus arrived. Well, we reached there half an hour earlier. Its ok. Besides, it's our first day. Better early than late. Since we re earlier, we were asked to wait for our supervisor, Lagi. Lagi came and brought us the uniform room and we were given our uniforms. OMG... the uniform was superrrr...... funny and should I say... its ugly! A baggy navy short that with 1 look, u might think its a skirt, and a flowery, short sleeve, blue shirt. It was so funny that we felt like school boys... haha... its ok. we were just housekeepers... on the other hand, the uniform was so comfy that it made us easy to move around and do all the cleaning.

Today is our training. Interesting, unlike Nando's-my previous employer, the system here is much more systematic and logical. We know our tea break time, lunch time, and the things that we are expected to do. We were provided with free food from the cafe. Its just that they dont provide halal meats and stuff. so we can only take vege and fruits. so sad... the rest can eat chickens, cakes, etc. they even served pork and bacon. I did not dare to try anything that looked ambiguos to me. Its ok, healthy diet. haha... good for me, really need a slimming programme right now. We were taught how to make beds, clean toilets, dusting, etc. so basically, i had made a record in my life, today. I had cleaned my first hotel room in my life, which not many people have this same opportunity in theor life. My first entire room cleaned by me was room 317. I had to make 2 beds, wipe windows, dusting, vacuum, and clean the toilet. A bit tired, but its enjoyable and we re not pressured like working in Nando's. Not as tired as Nando's too. But, of course, I cant tell about that. Coz today is only the first day. We only had the chance to clean a few rooms. Wait till they had put their trust on us, just look at how many rooms we ll have to clean.

Yeah, basically that's today's story. We went back at half past 2 and we were starving. Like usual, we cooked instant fried noodles and chat together at the dining hall. Life can be very enjoyable, interesting and sometimes miserable with friends. As usual, friends come and go. They cant be with us all the time. So, just bear with it... Its good to have friends accompanying us abroad, as we dont have families here. So, as now, I m kinda tired. But was thinking of taking a shower, cook dinner and continue with my assignment. urghhh.. hate assignmentsssss!!!!! ciao...

gregariousness of today...

I was reading "FREIRE: education for critical consciousness" last night when suddenly i realised that i slept half way reading it. It was 6am when I woke up realising there was a book lying on my face. It was a fine morning, very cold and peaceful. I grabbed my duvet and decided to continue sleeping. An hour later, i woke up and started to continue reading the book. There is no way i m gonna read those types of books unless there is a great necessity of doing so. I had to read that book for more in-depth understanding of Freire concept of a liberationist teacher. It's for my pedagogy assignment which due on next friday. frankly speaking, I lost track of time, works, myself here. I could not set a new habit here and my time management had totally changed. Maybe it is caused by the differences in time and right now, the daylight is kinda short here. Normally back in Malaysia, I would prefer to stay up till 1 or 2 am. but here, i could not even stay up till 12am. I d be a dead meat by that time. I was not sure of my daily habits, feel like i am loosing my mind here. I felt my mind is shrinking from day to day. My brain is too lazy to work, its as if my cognitive development had stopped on the day i reached here. My assignments... were pieces of junk. useless.. i cant compose even one single good quality piece of work. it is very tiring living in this state of mind actually.

By the way, today is the most packed and tiring day in the week. I guess it is because today is my most productive day in Auckland. I had been engaging with instructional processes (in easier term is teaching-learning process) starting from 8am to 4pm. i was so exhausted. Not physically tired but mentally exhausted. And not to mention, I was again pissed off by my 2 closes friend here. few days earlier...indeed, a week aerlier, they were the ones who encouraged me to enrol in a writing workshop with them. I had agreed to attend the workshop together and the workshop required us to enrol online. just few nights before, they said that they were going to enrol that night. I even asked 1 of them for the web address. i really thought they had registered their names that night. i, on the other hand, totally forgot about it. So, yesterday evening, I decided to check the website for any vacancy in that workshop and luck was on my side that there was a still a place for me to attend it. The workshop was to be held today at 3pm. However, right after class today (11am), they told me that they had not registered yet. And i really thought that they were going to register themselves at that time because i had told them about my enrollment and besides, we dont have any class during that time. We are supposed to be free that time. Dissappointedly, they did not. We had a lecture from 12 to 2pm. And if they are considerable enough and they actually think about this friend of them, they could just dropped by at the computer lab just for a while to check for the availability of the workshop. But it seemed to me that it never occured to them that it was important to keep your words. I was so damn pissed off at that time. I actually check for the availability of that workshop for them an dtext them just to let them know. But they just did not care about it. So, at the end, I had to attend the workshop alone. So the moral of the story here, you dont have to care about your friends' feelings when they tried to convince to join them doing something. If you think that something is worth your time, then go for it. so that, even if you were left behind at the end of the day, you would still earn somthing. As for me, the workshop was quite a sleeping pill as whatever input provided was just a redundancy of what i d learnt back in my hometown. But its ok. Looking at the bright side, at least it was a good refreshment for me.

After coming back from that workshop, I realised that i d received a parcel. I knew it must be one of the items i bought from trade me. haha the famous well known online super market.. yay!! I received my "gothic styled" top... this is the picture of it. It looked nicer in the trademe pic though. haha... but still its nice and comfy. Yeah, I did mentioned before this that i ordered a bouquet of flowers for mum. But I wasnt sure whether my credit card had been accepted or not. i really hope my mum will receive it on monday. Actually, i planned to start with my research paper's assignment tonight. But, since tomorrow is my first day of working as a hotel cleaner, then i guess i should study the workers' manual a bit. Just to provide some prior knowledge before start working tomorrow. Cant imagine how am i gonna work there... never had such experience before. Hope everything goes fine....

A place that has been planted with a seed of love... (1)

Woke up at 7.30am when the class starts at 8. my stomach's rolling its drums...sooo hungry but of course no time to grab even a fast breakFAST. this morning it was super duper unusually freezing cold. just imagining the water could make me shiver right now. no time to stare at my wardrobe's collection *as usual* to choose the best outfit of the day. Everything just went wrong... woke up late, no breakfast, hate my outfit, ankle's still swelling-cant dash to class, totally forgot my homework(naah..it's totally not a totally forgot kinda stuff-never care to do it..;p), n the list goes on....

today, i made a record. for the first time in my phonological history, i escape my beloved phonology class... why do i have to attend it? the excitement, enthusiasm, and my willingness of learning it has gone... i just cant adapt with the new teaching environment and teaching strategies or whatever they call it. besides, attendance is not compulsory. so, how did i spend my 2 hours of phono class?? haha... sitting in my room staring at this technological device that kids nowadays seem to adore so much-laptop! haha...

i was searching for something sweet, elegant and has the ability to portray my love, appreciation and sincerity to my dearest mum. for this coming mother's day, i would like to present my mum, something special so that she could feel my presence everytime she touches and looks at that something. after searching for like ages with all the connection problems, i finally found the best one. i decided to buy a bouquet of pink and purple carnations with a heart shape ballon hanging there saying " i love you". i hope it will be delivered to my mum on monday while she is still in school. (The above roses are not the one i am giving her, mind you..haha)

This is my first time not celebrating mother's day with her at home. i did not feel the slightest sadness in my heart while searching for her present online. but, while typing the wish card, i could not stop my tears from dropping down my cheeks. it's so sad thinking of all the bad things u had done to your mum all this long. how u never border to care about her feelings when she is there right in front of your eyes. as i was typing it, one by one, the memories of us together cramming my head. i saw her smile, her tears, her anger, and her pictures appeared in my head like a roll of film. till then, i realised how gratefull i am to be her daughter, to have a mother as strong as her. she raised me with patience and love. though she scolded me and raised her voice, but all those had made me a better person then yesterday. if not because of her, i might not become who i am today, or where i am now. thank you, mum and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all mothers out there.